[Big Mama]

It seems like forever since I have been in this forum. But I have been doing some thinking lately. I stumbled upon something that I had long forgotten about. The T had suggested quite a while back that I have RAD. The adult version. (Reactive Attachment Disorder) IT is often caused by very early child hood abuse. It can also come from being in a very non nurturing environment ( like in a orphanage) as a small child. When I say small child I mean a 0 - 3 yrs.

I stumbled across this. I meet so many of these criteria. It is kinda sad as my marriage falls apart to think that some of this is my issue. My Husband has issues he brought to the table we didn't know he had, it appears that I brought issues to the table to that I didn't know I had. Due to great therapy we have discovered some insightful things.

Maybe something here is you, or someone you know and love. Here is the site and I am marking the symptoms I have with an (*) . Good luck to any one of you who deals with this on a daily basis. h

ttp://reactiveattachmentdisorderlife.blogspot.com/2008/12/adult-attachment-disorder.html

Here is what I found:
I bet anything people with adult attachment disorder are diagnosed with personality disorders. It would be tough to tell the difference. I think, as a mom observer, the key is looking at what lies underneath. What started it all? Was there some form of abandonment or severe neglect especially in the first 3 years of life?

"Unresolved childhood attachment issues leave an adult vulnerable to difficulties in forming secure adult relationships. Patterns of attachment continue through the life cycle and across generations. New relations are affected by the expectations developed in past relationships. There is a strong correlation between insecure adult attachment and marital dissatisfaction and negative marital interactions. If an adult does not feel safe with others, he/she will tend to be either rejecting of their partner or overly clingy. Attachment problems are often handed down transgenerationally unless someone breaks the chain. As a parent, an insecurely attached adult may lack the ability to form a strong attachment to their child and provide the necessary attachment cues required for the healthy emotional development of the child thereby predisposing their child to a lifetime of relationship difficulties. Depending on the genetic personality style of the individual and the early life events experienced, insecurely attached adults fall in one of two categories of insecure attachment:

AVOIDANT

Intense anger and loss
Hostile
Critical of others
* Sensitive to blame
Lack of empathy
*Views others as untrustworthy
*Views others as undependable
*Views self as unlovable
*Relationships feel either threatening to one's sense of control, not worth the effort, or both
*Compulsive self-reliance
*Passive withdrawal
*Low levels of perceived support
Difficulty getting along with co-workers,
* Often preferring to work alone
*Work may provide a good excuse to avoid personal relations
*Fear of closeness in relationships
*Avoidance of intimacy
*Unlikely to idealize the love relationship
*Tendency toward Introjective depression (self critical)

WOW. So out of 20 I have 15 signs. That explains a lot. IT drives me crazy and the past abuse is so engrained in me that I feel I can't make it leave me. It has made me who I am.

Again I am not looking for any huge answer, I doubt there is much one can do to help. But maybe this can help someone else or someone you love.

[kaliope]

wow, that is great informtion. thanks for posting