Tired of abuse, I feel alone and stuck, feel like giving up on it all

On Friday I was attacked by a family member and had to call the police.

I moved back home after grad school to help out and it's been hell on earth.

First one sibling attacked me then another started. I feel like my therapy has been undone. My therapist warned me only to stay long enough to get on my feet but the job I took doesn't pay well enough for me to leave. I've been applying for other jobs and now I am working even harder to get out of this living situation.

My aunt and her husband have offered to let me stay with them in my home state but I don't want to be a guest in anyone else's home. I need my own place again to control my anxiety.

My former therapist turned alleged friend is always unavailable when things like this happen and hasn't once offered me shelter with her.

My soon to he ex fiance isn't helping because he wants me to address our relationship problems before he helps.

I'm tired. I earned an undergraduate degree and a graduate degree,I have worked at top companies in my field, I've never abused drugs or alcohol and I'm not abusive but I've been abused and witnessed abuse all my life. My fiance has a terrible temper and all my immediate family members except my dad have physically abused me.

I have always tried to do the right thing and I'm paying for it. None of my abusers have. I just want to give up and for the pain to end...my panic and anxiety are in high gear now, I'm not sleeping and I'll have to leave my job and start over yet again.

I'm tired of it all...

i can understand your feelings of frustration and hopelessness. it does feel like it is never going to end. setting your goals and working toward them, you will accomplish what you desire. unfortunately it takes time. i am sorry that it sucks so much. take care

Thank you for your kind words. I have a plan but still feel extremely alone and weary from everything.

I'm sorry you're going through all this it sounds very painful and frustrating.

Perhaps you should take your aunt and uncle up on their offer (assuming that is a safe place to stay). I know it's difficult not to have our own place but it doesn't sound like being "home" is doing anything good for your anxiety. It doesn't sound like you're in control of your environment right now and you need to feel safe.

One of my biggest regrets is not finding myself a supportive environment after I was attacked by a family member. It's hard to say what would have been but I think working through a trauma and continuing to live somewhere I didn't feel loved or respected was a bad combination that slowed down my progress.

Oh, I know it's so hard at times.

I feel this way at times. I was raped at 14 when I was a virgin. Then domestic violence from 15-17. Then in an organization that I was abused sexually, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually from 19-30 or so. This organization blames the victim for any abuse they receive by other members...It's so hard to explain. Then 26-33 another domestic violence relationship. I'm 40 now and sometimes feel very alone.

But you know what? We are SURVIVORS!! Damn straight! And today I'm stronger bc of what I've been through. I don't give up and have a tremendous amount of resiliency. I have more compassion than the average person.

Look at all you've accomplished. You are a warrior! If u ever feel like you just need some support, pm me anytime.

I'm just seeing this. Thank you for this, it helps a lot. I really appreciate it.