maybe this is hell....

maybe this is hell we live in
maybe we go on to something better
i feel this
with all my heart right now
maybe i did something in my past life to put such torment through my brain
and put me through %#@&#!
sorry i am selfish very selfish we these thoughts
i cant help it
tis what i feel right now

jinny

idont want to offend anyone

its ok...i think that sometimes...that this must be my hell.....and maybe i for going through it God may give me a chance to live happy for once later on....but hey stay strong... ok? I know you can do it....just keep chugging away....i know you will win this battle....
love, Inny

also read Bronees post -" Family sux"...i know you wrote something but i wrote something that can reply to you...as well as any survivor of abuse....

(((((((((((((((jinny)))))))))))))))))))))

you are strong
youve come thru alot and u can get thru this

its understandable given what has recently happened both with hubby and mom

we are here for u

luv ya

thankyou love you

wish i was just normal andd happy and bubbly like when i wore the mask. maybe i should put it back on. cnt remember where i buried it.

jinny xoxoxox

me too jinny
damn tymber and his oak tress..lol
but seriously that mask helps me to live

im sinkin here

luv ya jinny
just know that
if i cant do anything else
know that i love u
and have plenty of hugs for u

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hang in there. Hell passes although it sure takes a long time!

Oh Jinny- I often think the VERY same way. I've been quite sure this is hell, just so much bad and sometimes feels there's not a place to turn to. and in my case-- there is NO justice.

I'm sorry you are feeling similar.

Sometimes people try to put reason to the chaos-- like blaming oneself in a past life, or wondering how they could have done this or that different. I don't believe it has anything to do with you-- it just is. Like a tree that gets struck in two by lightening-- it just happened to that tree. I don't believe there is rhyme or reason(concerning the survivor) to the abuse when one is a child- it just happens.
Well, that's what I've found to be the best way to think, so I don't get too bogged down with shame and guilt-- though I do still struggle with said feelings-- they are decreasing, as I continuously play new tapes through my head-- like-- "it wasn't my fault, it wasn't anything I had control over or caused". (not sure if this way of thinking would help you-- just thought I'd share)

Please know-- you are not a bad person and not selfish. I think it's very OK to express your feelings here-- it can help sometimes when we give them a voice.

jinny-

mandy

thankyou mandy - for caring and everyone for replying and caring.

love you all

jinnyann xoxoxoxoxox

(((((((((((((((jinny)))))))))))))))))))

I've often wondered in the past, the same thing. What did I do to deserve all this suffering??? Was I bad in a past life? Was I put here solely to be someone's punching bag and piece of crap??

But, when I started healing and time moved on, I realized something really big. I realized that God wasn't putting me through hell, that I had not done anything wrong to deserve what I got. What I realized was that it was all a learning experience I had to go through to become the person I needed to be. In other words, I could not have been who I am now and who I am working towards being without having gone through the hell I went through. There were many lessons to be learned, and I learned them.

Instead of continuing to believe that I was a bad person that deserved the crap, I learned to believe that I needed these situations so I could in turn help others in their hellish times, so I could give something back and repay the help and kindnesses I received along the way during my healing.

This didn't all happen overnight. It took a number of years to get the full effect. But the fact that it happened, and I became a better person for having been through it all is that really counts.

Our situations may be different, but in the long run, the outcome can be the same. Maybe you are meant for bigger and better things, but to get to that point, you must go through and deal with the issues at hand first. Learn from them, grow and blossom (I have every faith that you will do just that!). Somewhere down your road, you will be able to give someone else the lessons you learned and it will warm your heart and you will have YOUR realization!

Love and Hugs to you!!
xoxoxoxox
J

((((((((((((((((9sab))))))))))))))))

thankyou so much. i totally agree with what you are saying. i hope and pray that i become the person that you are caring, giving, forgiving, helpful....list is endless.

thankyou for taking time out to write that for me

love you, always kerry xoxoxoxox

Its okay jinny! ((((((((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))))))))
I feel like this is hell too sometimes. Life is just so hard sometimes and it seems like more bad comes out of it than good sometimes, but! I really do hope that your life gets better and easier very soon. Im thinking of ya.

((((((((((((((9ally)))))))))))))))

thankyou sweetie

lovekerryxoxoxoxo