[meganb22]

Hi,

My mother recently got out of an extremely abusive relationship. I have always been very close to her and relied on her for almost everything (which was unhealthy but that was how it was). I would like to know if there are any people out there who had a loved one go through an abusive relationship and if you were ever resentful or angry at them? I love my mother to pieces, but it felt like she had chosen to be with this terrible guy who was hurting her and our family, instead of my sister and I. I know that there is so much going on psychologically with an abusive relationship that I will never understand, but am I a b-word for having been upset with her? I did stand by her and love her through it all, and only wanted to help her. I was scared for her and angry on her behalf. Has anyone else gone through this?

If you want the full story which explains in more detail what went on (its kinda long) go to my blog linked below.

And to all you abuse survivors out there: you are FIERCE even if you don't feel it!
Thanks!

[kaliope]

i have not been in your shoes, but i can understand and validate your feelings. you are not being a ***** for being angry at your mom. you are entitled to your feelings. i often wondered if my children were angry at me for choosing to stay with my boyfriend, because i even felt like i was choosing him over them at times. in the end, that is what gave me the courage to leave. i saw them being damaged so i had to get out. i admire that you can see that your mother was caught in that cycle of abuse that is so difficult to get out of. i hope thaat you are never caught in such a position.

[meganb22]

Originally Posted by kaliope

i have not been in your shoes, but i can understand and validate your feelings. you are not being a ***** for being angry at your mom. you are entitled to your feelings. i often wondered if my children were angry at me for choosing to stay with my boyfriend, because i even felt like i was choosing him over them at times. in the end, that is what gave me the courage to leave. i saw them being damaged so i had to get out. i admire that you can see that your mother was caught in that cycle of abuse that is so difficult to get out of. i hope thaat you are never caught in such a position.

Thanks! I've talked to some people about it and they tell me its a natural feeling, but at the same time I feel bad. And then I start feeling bad about feeling bad because I do have a right to my feelings and it DID effect my life a lot. I think the whole situation was made worse because my mom was in a 27 year abusive marriage to my father, and right after they divorced she started dating again. Then found this guy and jumped headlong into an even more abusive relationship.

I am so glad you got out as well. No one should have to go through any kind of abuse. I hope you and your children are doing great