[angelicgoldfish05]

Is it abuse to be expected to be perfect, then abandoned, shamed, hit, or have objects thrown at you if you are not? If you fall short? Anyone else experience something like this? How do others deal with this? I know I have not had it as bad off as others so it feels wrong to even call it abuse.

Another thing that is difficult for me right now is that I am back living at home (financial hardship appears to have left me no other choice). I think my parents enjoy this dependence and encourage me to be dependent on them... that it fills some need for them. So I am having a hard time being critical, questioning or whatever, of my childhood, and if it was abusive, when my parents are right there and I need to live in the same house as them. I also cannot relax and am always on guard now, and hyper-vigilant because they are right there. My mom is always right there. She is very intrusive and I don't trust her at all. She is always seeming to intrude on me. When I was a teen she would just go in my room and go through all my things. Nothing was off limits for her. She didn't have any respect for privacy, secrets were not ok and she would also try and tell me how I was feeling or what I was experiencing. When I would tell her I was not feeling or experiencing what she thought, she would say that no, that I wasn't right. So I could not have my own feelings or experiences about things. She was always commenting on what I am doing and critiquing it. Does that make sense?

Also, my parents fought all the time and there was so much yelling at each other, slamming doors, sometimes throwing things. My mom constantly put my dad down and I see that she still does. She threatens (jokingly) to harm others, or kill them. She calls others (or herself) stupid and crazy all the time. And this is just who she is and she admits it so it is just ok. Sorry this turned into venting a little. Just looking for others out there that can relate. Thank you..

[vonniepedals]

Yes, yes, yes and yes. In big fonts

[CANDC]

You said

Is it abuse to be expected to be perfect, then abandoned, shamed, hit, or have objects thrown at you if you are not? If you fall short? Anyone else experience something like this? How do others deal with this? I know I have not had it as bad off as others so it feels wrong to even call it abuse.

Well it is emotional abuse and it does matter, but it is not like you are singled out. The whole society is taught to try and make children into something that they were never meant to be. My emotional abuse was nothing like some people's story I heard here, but it is still abuse. It does not mean your whole childhood was abusive, but there was some abusive incidents.

I have survived in financial low times by keeping quiet living at home and keeping my most sacred thoughts to myself. I hated the yelling and demeaning of the man. It made me feel less.

Finding a strategy to get independent might be an important part of staying healthy. Working kept me from hanging around their house and digging up old memories. It took a year but I did get a place and finished school. It just takes time. And having a strategy.

Being a diplomat sure helped a lot!

Feel free to Private Message me. I am glad to listen.

[jelly-bean]

I can relate, although it wasn't my parents I got the abuse from. You are in a very bad spot right now and I wish there was something I could say to make it better but there isn't. All you can do is watch your step until you are able to find somewhere else to live.