Newby here, Adult Survivor of Emotional Neglect and Emotional Abuse

My mother was emotionally neglectful and emotionally abusive. Both of my parents were Workaholic Parents in the worst way. They were simply ignorant and uneducated. The only important thing to them was their business and working in the business 24/7, literally! I don't know why they had four children unless it was the hope that we would all work in the business - or just lack of birth control. I was forced to work for them when I was way too young to do so. I was very shy and scared to death. Expressing emotions of any kind was absolutely forbidden in my childhood. My siblings have ZERO emotional intelligence, are ignorant and naive. The way I was brought up colored every minute of my life. I am 74 and finally confronting the ugliness and the truths of this. I am trying to find a therapist that does EMDR to help me process this and dump it as best I can. Dreading this but know that I must do it soonest. I have known all of this in the back of my mind but I have not really faced it until now. Kinda late, but I need to process it. It is awful. I have much anger. I have many bad memories returning. I do not feel safe now. I never felt safe during my younger life. I realize that I have overcome much and I have survived despite the lack of caring that I had...but that doesn't make me feel better right now.

I am puzzled tonight about a very sick thing both of my sisters have done to me or at me. One has sent me weekly emails telling me who is sick, who might be sick, who is dying, who might be dying, who died and whose funerals her husband played bagpipes for - ALL people I do not know! I finally stopped her from doing this, told her I have fought depression all of my life and I do not need news like this, that it is not healthy for me - or for her. My other sister once went on my high school alumni website and then phoned me and told me of the deaths of some people who I was once very close to, one I had a romance with, also that one person had cancer. I've no idea why she did this and it was quite shocking to me at the time. I did not expect it. I didn't ask her why she did it. I think she is slightly retarded due to being deaf in one year. Has anyone else experienced this kind of behavior? Siblings or relatives who love to give you shocking bad news about illness and death?

Has anyone else had experience not processing this knowledge of childhood abuse until long after you grew up? As a senior? Has anyone had EMDR treatment for anxiety and PTSD caused by childhood neglect and abuse? Specifically emotional? In my case, I feel that the emotional neglect and abuse affected me the same way or even worse than if it had been physical neglect and abuse. The experts say this is possible and common.

I welcome any comments or experience others have had with this. It is still new to me - even thought I've always known about it...I didn't REALLY want to face it until now. Both parents have passed away. I want to scream at them and I want to kill, I'm so mad! The me that could have been was murdered. That's something to be angry about. I cannot communicate with any of my siblings at present. I believe I was scapegoated. My sisters echo what my mother used to say about me. My mother was a misogynist. One sister really believes that males are superior to and more important than females in this year of 2015. Unbelievable. I am sorry to say that she has four grandsons and only one granddaughter.

I need to forget about the sad siblings and focus on myself and get therapy for this. I could use some help, advice, stories, anything that might benefit me. Thank you!

(((PrarieCat)))

Just wanted to thank you for sharing your story with us.

It takes courage to do this and I wanted to acknowledge that.