[ThisWayOut]

slowly opening up more and more to my therapist. left her with something pretty heavy at the end of session today. last time I opened up about something like this was with another therapist, and we actually talked about it during session...This time, I didn't tell her till I was walking out. We will talk about it next week.
It's the first time I have opened up more about this directly. It's a weird feeling to have someone else know finally.
does the telling get easier?

[sideblinded]

It really does sound like you are making progress. I think it does get easier the more I open up. I think you are on the right road. Way to go!

[Frankbtl]

Hi ThisWayOut, hey you're opening up more..........that's excellent!!!
I don't know whether it feels like that right now, maybe you've got a lot of mixed feelings about it??? But massive kudos to you!!!! Well done!!!!
And not telling her till you were leaving........well that's OK, maybe you felt deep down a little less pressure that way. And the fact remains that you did tell her!!!
Now maybe I'm jumping ahead a bit here.........but please try not to worry about her reactions/how she's going to handle it, how you're going to move on in your sessions........she should be really supportive and take things at your pace/in your way. Obviously she has been really supportive and someone you've felt you could trust in you telling her anyway.
And does the telling get easier.........perhaps that's going to depend on how supportive she is (and it sounds like she is)..........and honestly you may have a lot of different feelings the more you open up...........maybe doubt, hurt/pain, maybe you'll find it harder or need to stop at times, maybe you'll wonder why you have at times but there can also be a sense of relief at times too, and it can lead you to better ways of working through/managing things and your feelings and moving on.
And let's face it in opening up......in telling her, you have done something that's needed so much strength already, and you do deserve the support to work through things towards moving on more.
And again.........massive kudos to you!!!!

Alison

That's fantastic ThisWayOut. Well done. I don't know if it gets easier because I'm at the same point as you, but what I do know is that I know how difficult it was for you to open up to your T & I too drop stuff at the end of some sessions. Way to go you!

It's wonderful that you found the courage to say something, and you chose a time that gave you a safe cushion. Do you have a plan for the next session? Some therapists will pick up where you left off, and others will wait. If yours doesn't pick up that thread, I hope you will take the step to tell her that you're at a loss for how to follow up from the last session (or however you want to introduce it).

I find that it gets easier to share once you see how your therapist handles things. I've had ones in the past whose response made me retreat, but the one I have now handles things just perfectly.

So, I guess my main thought is to encourage you to have a doable game plan for next session and not wait to see what she does (unless you know from experience that she will follow up without your lead). And... yay you!

[ThisWayOut]

I don't really have much of a plan, because I never can bring myself to follow through. She did say we will cover it next session. She has been ok with follow-through (by that I mean, better than me at recovering a topic from a previous session some of the time, vs me who cannot seem to bring things up without her help).
The more I remember form last session, the more I am aware that we simply talked around it before I even gave her that doorknob disclosure. I think I might have told her before, but I don't really remember. Maybe I implied it or something?
I check out a lot, even without meaning to, so I might have told her before. Maybe I need to ask her about it next week. I also wanted to show her an art piece from several weeks ago, but don't want to have introduced this topic only to hide it behind other things (like my lack of ability to communicate effectively). I have a habit of introducing something, getting scared about it, and hiding behind other things that may be a barrier to addressing the topic... Hmm, maybe I need to give her this post, lol. Then I can show her the art piece about not knowing how to talk, but also admit that I still really need to talk about the disclosure (which may or may not actually be a "disclosure" so much as re-introducing the topic)... and maybe also address my inability to remember if I have actually told her about it previously...
time for another list and a heads-up to her that I have a list, lol...

I'm glad that she's good about following up. That's a good sign.

[Frankbtl]

Hi ThisWayOut, you're right maybe you should give her this post lol
Although it might well be that she's already noticed your tendency to introduce things then "go off on a tangent", and she might have gently been encouraging some of the disclosures you've been making without "pressuring" you to go further than you've felt "OK" with, you've clearly talked about quite a bit with her.
So it might at all be about you "hiding", but her facilitating you to go further and feel "comfortable" with her in doing that. And I've got to say it's completely understandable if you want to avoid going into some things sometimes, or only feel able to touch on them at times- it's not about "hiding"
And it seems that you are doing really well in introducing things, and now.......that you do want to push it/them a bit further. So definitely worth talking to her about (or showing her this post!!).
And the forgetting what you've said........I'm guessing some sessions can be a little intense, or feel that way afterwards, so do you think that might be effecting you remembering so much??? Either trying to "push aside" those things/feelings or having other parts of the session take over??? Then you have been trying to cope with a lot as well, haven't you?
Perhaps it would help if you asked your T to summarize the last sessions at the beginning of the next sessions???
And yes, I'd say that it was important to show her the art piece, it's clearly meant something to you when/as you've completed it and now. But perhaps tell her you only want it to be part of the session as you'd like to pick up where you left off last time??
But it really is great that you want to come back to what you said!!!

Alison

[SeekerOfLife]

The first time I told T, I was very afraid. I knew once I told, there would be no taking it back. It did get easier. And T was very gentle. No prodding for more info.