[musicformyears]

----Trigger Warning----

Hi.

Last year in July, my counselor asked me certain questions about my childhood. I told my counselor that my dad had beat and kick me and sometimes, he threatened to hit me with his elbow. I had no clue that all of this is abuse. All my life, I always thought that what my dad did to me was something that a normal child would go through. So I didn't tell anyone about it in the past.

Sometime during April last year, my parents found out that I self harmed. They were so upset that my dad almost hit me with his elbow to my head,(He is the tallest family member in my family.), which is something I expected from him. For my mum, she spotted some self harm scars on my thighs and she pulled up my pants just to see those scars. And she didn't do that once. She continued several times and for action really haunted me till this day. The last time my mum pulled up my shorts, she added on 'I don't know what to do with your thighs.' I do believe that my mum is really cunning. She would purposely ask me out to do shopping with her and then she would take advantage of the fact that I'm in outdoors with me and her alone and ask me about my self harm scars. There was once she embrassed me about my self harm scars in public. And everytime whenever she ask me about my self harm scars or checks on me, I feel a lot of stress at first, but I would go suicidal afterwards.

I told everything about what my parents to my counselor in December because their actions were haunting me and I get flashbacks and nightmares over what they had done. I got a shocking reply. She said that my dad physically abuse me and my mum emotionally abused me. I couldn't believe. To this day, I still wish my counselor was wrong.

Was all this abuse? I just wanna know your opinions. Thanks in advance.

Also just a few nights, I had another nightmare...The nightmare was about me being molested by someone.
I woke up and I realised that my own brother did molest me several times when I was about 9 years old...
Like he would touch me so inappropriately and so suddenly back then and I did not see that coming.

And I remember about 2 years ago, I remembered that I needed to get something on the sofa that my dad was leaning on...As I stretched over to get it, my dad caught one of my knees with his hand and when I looked at him, he was smiling at me...
I don't like that...at all...It's just creepy... Was this abuse?
Can somebody tell me?

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Much appreciated.

yes, your dad did abuse you. it sounds like your mum isn't helping you.

i'm so sorry all this has happened to you. i don't know if your dad catching one of your knees is abuse, but your brother touching you inappropriately was abuse.

[ThingWithFeathers]

I'm sorry your parents treated you poorly. Yes, sounds like your dad did physically abuse you and tgat your mum was emotionally abusive.

I'm also sorry about what your brother did. Is he much older than you? My oldest brother sexually abused me for a number of years and I haven't yet recovered from that time in my life. I'm haunted by it. So many memories and so much I've forgotten.

I'm glad you're seeking help through counselling and reaching out here!