[Quidel]

I was raised being told that my place, being female, was to be seductive for men, visually and in action and body language. I had it down by the age of three, copying Mae West. I was supposed to be pure pleasure to the senses, erotic in every way. It was impressed upon me what the standard of beauty was and, that if I was good at seducing men, my reward was to able to turn the tables, making the master a servant, through sex. No kidding, that what my mother taught! My father taught that woman were incapable of rational, intelligent thought because we were emotional creatures. I was brainwashed.

I don't know if I need to explain this but both my parents were sex addicts, in there own ways and I, to this day, find myself comparing myself to the sythetic barely, legals of the porn industry. My upbringing created developmental and emotional damage. Dad was addicted to porn and I knew his priorities - his obsession towards my mother the most important thing to him. Next was his porn then, the way people viewed him. I think I might have been next, hard to say. My mother, well, she was addicted to love and had affairs all the time. She got off on control, like my dad.

Skip ahead, I married a porn addict who spent the first 20 years of our marriage being unable to get an erection or he would fall asleep on me. I was insane with sexual frustration and lack of emotional intimacy, but I was NOT going to be like my mother! When we did have sex, I could count on three things: that he would finish too quick, that it would be more of a tease than a release, and that I would get pregnant. He could not be with me because the porn left him too detached, I guess. He was also an abusive little butt. Regardless, it destroyed what was left of my self worth.

Skip ahead some more and, I'll tell you I've been insanely lonely for at least 5 years. I understand my husband's issues and don't expect more from him than his honesty. I think though, I am dieing slowly because of the maddening state of my attachment figures. I seriously just need other people to talk to so I can reconnect with myself. If I fail at that, I'm doomed to die or have an affair - same thing to me.

[Crazy Hitch]

Yeah you have a lot of needs that aren't being met here.

And it's a double whammy to navigate this one.

You've had circumstances that you should never have had growing up.

And he seems to have challenges too.

And this has created tension when it comes to you getting your needs met on something that is very important to you.

I am not suprised at all then, with the above in mind that you state that you have been insanely lonely for 5 years.

You want to make a difference and you said you don't want to be like your mother. You wish to break the cycle.

I belive in some ways you have?

You seem to have a great awarness of who you stand for and what it is that you need.

I am sorry to hear that your partner's own struggles have prevented him from meeting you at this place.

I hope that you are able to get some resolution. I am really unsure how an affair may serve you well? I'm just kind of thinking more in terms of what if it is not the answer that you seek? I don't believe you seek just a "something outside of the relationship that provides sex."

You yearn for some kind of emotional "attachment" to a significant other that you love dearly.

And I believe that this is a very honorouble need.

We all need this.

(((quidel))) are you in therapy?

[Quidel]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

(((quidel))) are you in therapy?

I was until I missed an appointment without calling. I had state insurance and they terminated my counciling ability because of somethiing that is actually part of my problem, forgettfulness

[Quidel]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

(((quidel))) are you in therapy?

Originally Posted by Hooligan

I don't believe you seek just a "something outside of the relationship that provides sex."

You yearn for some kind of emotional "attachment" to a significant other that you love dearly.

And I believe that this is a very honorouble need.

We all need this.

Sorry to cut you message but with so few replies, its easy to see the content of the whole.

Anyway, to respond - I need the emotional side more than the sex but damn, I've been a nun! I think I've had consensual sex a total of 60 time in my adult life. I accidently fell into an emotional affair once, online. I say accident because I wasn't looking and before I knew it, I couldn't help myself. I tried to put the break on a run away train that could be stopped. I think this is maybe how my husband is with porn. At any rate, the way I made it stop was to tell my husband. After that, hubby and this other guy had it out on the phone and the other guy told hubby "I'm in love with your wife" O_o I want that feeling again

[Quidel]

Sadly, I would jump into an emotional afair without hessitation this time. As long as it was more fantacy than reality - the old fationed phone sex thing (guy imagine porn star while talking to the oposite)