Being Called Names Growing up

Those who have been verbally abused. Is there ever a way to get over it and no longer be depressed? Just asking because i wish there was a way.When i was 7 years old i was diganosed with having Epilepsy. Several family members. Including my mom,dad and my older sister would call me stupid,retard, slut etc. My mom even tried to have me put in a group home. But i have never had grand mal's and have been able to function on my own.My mom denies she ever said anything negative to me. But i'm 36 and at times she can still be verbally abusive to me and others .Luckily i'm in IL on my own and she is in Texas.My mom and others has always treated me like the black sheep in the family.My sister use to make me wait on her hand and foot when i was growing up. When i'd get tired of waiting on her. She'd call me a lazy retarded ***** and other names. She has 2 kids and i have only been around her and her kids 4 times in like the last 17 years.Her oldest daughter who is 16 has called me names to a few times.My mom recently contacted my social worker from the Epilepsy association and told her that she thinks i have Tourettes and Autsim. Which i and my social worker know i don't have at all. Even after living on my own since early 1989. My mom still treats me like i'm a retard. My father died 3 or 4 years ago. I did not cry when i heard of his death. I was not around him after i turned 18.He called me names and use to hit me.But ignore me when he was not abusing me. I felt numb when i heard he died.Why do people abuse people? To this day i don't get it.Still single and in fear of relationships. Last serious relationship i had in 1996 ended up being a abusive one.But i'm lonely and my biggest fear in life is never really being loved.

Hi UCLA Fan,

One of my former friends was verbally abused as a child also as a direct result of having epilepsy.

I believe my mother was verbally abusive to me for other reasons growing up.

I'm 59 now. The last five years have been very hard on a number of fronts, and it makes those memories more active in my mind than when things were better.

I think having grown up with emotional abuse makes us more likely to hook up with other people who will also abuse us.

Hugs,

EJ

Hi EJ I hope to break the cycle of abuse in my family.The one sibling i do get along with. My older brother moved to Germany and says as long as my mom is still alive he won't move back to the Usa. Because she abused him and my older sister to. But out of all the kids i think i got it worst. Because i was not prefect because of the Epilepsy.Plus i was not popular in school or with guys growing up. My 2 siblings where popular students in high school. So my mom laid off them a bit about some stuff.But i kept to myself and had just a few close friends.My mom at times still tries to verbally abuse me over the phone. But i at times hung up on her or tell her mom if u are just gonna verbally abuse me don't call me. So at times i don't hear from her for weeks at a time. I have a big fear of telling anyone about me having Epilepsy. Because of all the abuse i got growing up. Plus i don't have bad seziures. I don't drive.But i have worked the majority of my adult life and am pretty independent..Last year i volunteered at Special Olympics taking pictures.People thought that i was like one of the social workers for the Epilepsy association at the Special Olympics. When folks found out i was a client not a social work. They made comments like you don't look like you have Epilepsy. I walked off pissed off. WTF is someone with Epilepsy supposed to look like?Those where profossinals in the disability field that made that comment.So i felt judge by people who should no better than to act that way.

I try really hard to remember that it was my abuser who was the sick one. I struggle with it much of the time. The years of hearing those negative things are hard to get out of your head.I can tell myself I shouldn't feel this way but to actually not feel bad seems impossible. Hope I'm not rambling too much. I just try to keep telling myself that the problem was his not mine.

I try to tell myself that my abusers are wrong and need help etc. But i struggle with this all the time. I guess it is natural to struggle with this huh?

My head tells me it was his problem -- I just wish my head could rule my feelings a bit more. 20 - 30 years of hearing these messages from a person that's had power over you for most of your life is hard to conquer-- But we gotta keep trying so they don't win!!

Trying i'm doing.

((((((((((UCLA)))))))))))

I was appalled at the human service workers saying that you don't look like you have epilepsy....I mean what the hell is that all about??? I can definitely say that those people are in the WRONG business!!!! I'm in human services too and work with a large section of folks with different disabilities. Not once, would I EVER think of something like that......god that just makes my blood boil! If that happened to me, I probably would have looked them right in the eyes and asked them "What in the world is a person with epilepsy supposed to look like????" That would have stopped them in their tracks I'm sure.

I'm so sorry to hear of the abuse you had to endure from your family. The ignorance of some people always amazes me.

I have worked for almost two years with an individual with epilepsy. She has some brain damage from a fall she took as an 8 year old child, and the elipesy has done some damage too. But she has raised 4 children and lives on her own and does the best she can do. I have the utmost respect for all she endures and has endured from her family through the years. She is strong yet has a low self esteem because of it all. I have seen a big change in her since I started working with her. I do everything I can to help her understand just how valuable a person she is, how smart she is and how capable she is. She has grown a lot due to her hard work. I am very proud of her and her accomplishments.

I'm sure you are a very capable individual. Who amoung us does not have problems in their lives to overcome? What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and a better person. You are strong, brave and intelligent....and should be respected as a human being who has a lot to offer this world. (just like all of us!!!)

I hope you can turn a blind eye towards those who would try to make you feel like less of a person because of your illness. Hold your head high, and consider the source when people try to put you down. They are little people who can't or won't take the time to learn and understand. They are the disabled ones who refuse to be enlightened and treat others with respect and compassion. I actually feel sorry for them! For they are the ones who are truly disabled in their way of thinking and acting!!!

Hugsssssss
J

hi uclafan........ thats terrible..... not only did you have to deal with the epilepsy itself, but that rejection and abuse from your family....... it's not your fault, its theirs. they're the ones with a problem.

my dad was emotionally abusive throughout my childhood....... i doubt he even had any idea. he said things in anger, or that he meant as a "joke" that are still with me. one of his favorites was "no one's ever gonna want to marry you - who'd put up with you?" i'm almost 34 now and nope, never married. who'd want me? so i can't really give advice, b/c i'm still not over it, but...... i feel your pain and i'm sorry you had to go through that. btw, i didn't cry when my dad died either. buckets for my mom, brother, aunts, but zip for dad, even though i loved him.

((((((((ucla))))))))

Thanks Sabau2 and Bellaviolet. It's hard dealing with this. But i try my best to take ine day at a time. Plus i apperciate the few who show me friendship.Sabau2 i did get angry at that person and told them oh felt and then walked away before they had a chance to react to me. I did not want to hear what that jerk had to say.Bellaviolet i thought i am the only one that would not cry over a death. I'm afraid it might be the same when my mom dies. Because she is still mean. When her mom died. I did not shed a tear.I do cry sometimes when people die. But only when people who did not abuse me die. I thought badly of myself a bit when i felt numb about my dad and grandmother dying.