[Walking Man]

My parents were good parents in many respects, and certainly did their best to be so. I realized about a year ago however that some long standing issues I've had are, at least in party due to emotional neglect. Both parents had some serious problems in their homes, but some good things too. I always felt that my dad loved me very much, but he had a hard time doing things with me. My mom I usually think of as very unsympathetic and cold towards me. They had a cold relationship with one another, with my mom resenting my dad, and my dad feeling rejected. My mom was sexually abused as a child and has panic attacks and anxiety. I never had anyone I felt comfortable going to for comfort. From an early age I remember feeling the need for someone to hold me. I have a terrible time asking for help, and almost never feel like I can depend on anyone. I have a hard time forming relationships of any sort. I'm essentially terrified of women rejecting me to the point where I won't respond to obvious flirtation for fear they will be reject me.

I feel like I have a huge gaping hole inside that needs to be filled with affection, and can never be filled.

On the few occasions on which I have had a girlfriend, I always felt like there was an impenetrable wall between us somehow, and holding them or being close physically is always accompanied by a feeling of emotional pain. Even if I snuggle with a pillow, I almost never feel "at home" or "secure". Its pleasant in one way, but my chest gets tight and brings feelings of loneliness or isolation to the surface. It's almost like I can't accept the warm and fuzzies, and can't feel secure. I can't relax. It's like that hole is too big and no matter what happens it will never be filled. The only exception was my old cat, he loved me a lot and made me feel wonderful when I held him.

Can anyone relate?

[Open Eyes]

((Walking Man)), I am so sorry you struggle this way, but this is probably very much how your mother felt too. Her coldness towards you and your father never meant you both did not deserve to be loved, it was just that your mother was so uncomfortable with it, much as you are discribing yourself.

Animals are wonderful therapy because they can be so comforting, and receptive to love too. You felt wonderful holding him because animals can provide the oxitocin that we get when we are comforted, they like it too.

You struggle to feel warm and relaxed because you did not get that as a child, your mother struggled that way too and unfortunately imprinted her issues onto you. Always remember it's not your fault, and never ever meant you were or are not worthy of that kind of love. Do keep animals around you as it will continue to comfort you. It may be a challenge but it would be nice if you met a loving woman that you could share this with and she could slowly comfort you to help you slowly overcome this challenge.

((Caring Hugs))
OE

[CANDC]

Yes walking man. People who have not had the experience of affection have a large unfulfilled need and a large wall to block anyone from getting close because the large hole becomes apparent.

These are emotional conditions that can be worked with by a therapist that has experience working with people that are ignored or rejected as children. To me the only way was through the feelings so I could love again. It is not easy, but Psych Central can help provide friendship and empathy.

You can visit the chat room for a moderated forum like survivors of abuse or any other or just go into emotional support room.

Glad you are joining us here. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[misslabarinth]

Yes, i can relate a lot to that, You see most of my child hood, i have been emotionally neglected. Though instead of with women it was more with men (due to my father leaving me when i was 7,) i always feel lonely, i can't and will not ask anyone for help. i have never been 'held' or shown any type of love for so long that i hate to be touched, and when i am loved (by my grandma or brothers) i feel weird,and almost out of place. i had resorted to isolation when i was 11, it was so bad, that i only came out when i needed to eat or go to the bathroom. though overtime eating became the less concern for me. (which got my mother mad, and she forced me to come out.) I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time , i hope sometime, that 'hole' will be able to be filled. don't let it get to big, i have, and the only thing it has done for me, is cause me more pain. I wish you the best of wishes
Take care~
MissLabarinth

[Crazy Hitch]

Walking man

I'm wondering if in part, it could stem from an emotional need for love and belonging and acceptance, that you didn't quite get as a child, like a gap, that doesnt' know how to heal itself because there's no possible way for you to go back into the time when your needs during your younger years were denied and simply not met.

The only thing I can think to say, is that moving forward, it might be challenging for you to express what it is that you want, within a given period of time as you've held back for all these years.

But for what it's worth, may you find a way to express what it is that you want, so that the open wound can slowly begin to mend itself

Hope this helps.