[trashking]

Today I just realized I literally just turned 12 probably a month or two before I was abused and the person who did it was sixteen, no wait sorry. His birthday. 17. That's how old I am now. I am not sure how I feel, knowing his age for sure really made it weird and I feel anxious and sick. He is four years older than me, so he is 21 now. This bothers me so so much. He was my age. It just...eugh. He could have slept with girls his age. He could have. Im deeply upset that thisbhappened to me.I am disgusted that he would do that. At least...I think it was him. As I've mentioned I think in other posts, it happened in my sleep and I woke up in the middle of it and didn't turn around or scream due to bring so scared. There were only four other people in the house, this specific person in the room right across from mine. It's very likely but I don't know for sure who it was. All I know is there's no way I made this up, I felt it happening and I felt the shame and fear the morning after. All of this has caught up to me again and I don't feel too good. I hate how used I feel. Well, I was used. But I hate how that feels. He wanted a quick lay I guess and now I'm here with serious issues after that and he's got a kid and a girlfriend and pretends it didn't happen. I hate him.

[pbutton]

I am really sorry to hear that this happened to you. You deserve so much better. I am so sorry. It takes a lot of time and energy to work through these things. It's really unfair.

[WibblyWobbly]

I haven't seen your other posts. Have you reported the abuse? Even if you just told your mom and not the police, you might feel better in having it out in the open and making some waves in your offender's life.

[trashking]

Originally Posted by WibblyWobbly

I haven't seen your other posts. Have you reported the abuse? Even if you just told your mom and not the police, you might feel better in having it out in the open and making some waves in your offender's life.

I haven't... Really told any of my family. I'm too ashamed. Opportunities have come,but I'm spineless. Literally just today my aunt and grandma were talking about how it was good and smart of me to leave my mom at age 12 due to her boyfriend. They said he olwould have "ruined me" and we all knew what that meant. She said you never fully recover from that. And I said "I know" and I really really do but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I left a pessimistic hint, saying "it was damned if I did, damned if I didn't." Which she said no because this was different and she doesn't know that it ****ING wasn't. I left my mom's so her boyfriend wouldn't touch me. I go live with my dad, where in about a Month or two, I got touched,just by someone else. But she didn't know so it's not her fault but it's really not her place to say how I am doing. Idk. I get she meant know harm, but I took offense.

[knit roses]

I was 5 yo when Jr. ~14 yo, a family member, not immediate family, started hurting me. When i was in my 30s, I finally told my Mom Jr. molested me (after a few years of therapy). She asked angrily, " Why didn't you tell me?!!" isaid, " I did. I told you Jr. kissed me." Mom looked at me not understanding but angry. I said, " I didn't know what a vagina was." it went downhill from there. I said what I needed to say.

[WibblyWobbly]

Originally Posted by trashking

I haven't... Really told any of my family. I'm too ashamed. Opportunities have come,but I'm spineless. Literally just today my aunt and grandma were talking about how it was good and smart of me to leave my mom at age 12 due to her boyfriend. They said he olwould have "ruined me" and we all knew what that meant. She said you never fully recover from that. And I said "I know" and I really really do but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I left a pessimistic hint, saying "it was damned if I did, damned if I didn't." Which she said no because this was different and she doesn't know that it ****ING wasn't. I left my mom's so her boyfriend wouldn't touch me. I go live with my dad, where in about a Month or two, I got touched,just by someone else. But she didn't know so it's not her fault but it's really not her place to say how I am doing. Idk. I get she meant know harm, but I took offense.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Whether you tell or not is totally your decision. Telling my mom and siblings was the hardest thing I've ever done. I kind of got forced into it because a counselor reported the abuse. I will tell you that my family immediately cried for me and supported me. I felt like a huge weight has been lifted because I wasn't holding the "secret" anymore. If you want to tell but you can't work up the courage maybe you could write it down, hand it to your mom/whoever, wait for them to read it and then face what comes.