Being groomed as a vulnerable adult?

Ok I want to try and make this as short as possible even though there is so much to say. I hope someone who can help me reads this. Since a young age I have had mental health problems mainly anxiety and severe depression. I have had various counselling throughout the years and been on different medications. At the time I was living with my mum and step dad but he was emotionally abusive and one day I had had enough and walked out knowing that I couldn't go back. I ended up sleeping at different friends houses for a few weeks until I found a girls hostel in Liverpool that I managed to get into. So for a few weeks I became homeless to living in a hostel to breaking up with my boyfriend of 3 years to being totally isolated from my family. I was drained and in a bad state mentally. So I went to the local charity that I had worked at previously on a temporary contract. The managing director was lovely and sat me down and listened to me moaning then told me there was nothing job wise to offer me at the moment but i could do some cleaning at him and his wife's house and he would give me a bit of money for it. I jumped at the chance then threw myself into voluntary work with the charity. The first night I went round to clean; his wife was out, he had been drinking and he kept following me from room to room to chat to me. Once I had finished he wanted me to stay for a drink, so I did then he put his hand on my leg and said "Is it really bad that I want to kiss you right now?". I was so shocked I said yes it is bad and thought it was the wine talking.

To cut a long story short; he built a trust with me. He convinced me to come off my antidepressants as he didn't think they did much anyway, he made promises that he would make am e a star and constantly complimented me and made derogatory comments about his wife. He made me feel special and I basically became all about him. He wanted a 3 some with him and his wife and I bewilderedly went a long with is because I didn't know how to say no. He made it so I only had him. He rang me every single night and would get angry if I didnt answer or if i was out. He was a 50 year old man with a daughter (who became one of my best friends) the same age as me. The whole situation was sick. It actually makes me feel sick and disgusted. He completely took advantage of my vulnerability. I can't describe how creepy and disgusting he was. He would want me to have sex with other men and record it so he could replay it; he wanted me to find a girl on the internet to have a 3 some with whilst his wife was away. He invited his friend round once when I was at his then told him i was up for anything. I spiralled further and further down, started self harming again which I also told him about but he kept telling it was just a down day that it would pass. He'd tell me not to ring my mum as there's nothing she can do for me.

I still can't get my head around how I let him do this to me. For nearly 2 years. There was so much that happened, too much to write down here but basically i was under his spell. His wife knew too which is even more disgusting. My final straw was when I was dog sitting for them and without beating around the bush, I went snooping; I found 2 recorders with sex on them with a load of different vulnerable people/volunteers that had all come and gone through the charity. I was shocked to my core and I broke down. I ended up in hospital on a psychiatric ward for the majority of April 2012. But I wouldn't speak to a soul about it. He even had the ordacity to come and see me in hospital and carry on ringing me but whilst i was there i didn't answer him half as often. He rang the first night i was there and wanted me to reassure him that none of this was his fault. I had visits from my mum and step dad and when iwas finally released I went to live with them for a month. Meanwhile he was still ringing me and offered me counselling through a mate of his (which would have lead me straight back into his trap!). The stronger i became with meds and the longer time i spent with my mum again. I couldn't keep it in any longer and I broke down and told her everything.

I don't know how to describe it other than, it was the worst time of my life and I can't even think about him or that situation without getting shivers and feeling atight knot of emotions in my stomach. It's only now that I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for 3 years who I have opened up to, that I have started counselling again for this to try and come to terms with it a bit more. However, my main concern is that the creep and his wife are still running a charity for vulnerable people and children with disabilities. I honestly don't know what to do. Part of me wants to report him, I know that's the right thing to do but then by reporting him I don't want that to effect my life now.

I would like to say that this month signifies 2 years since coming off medication all together and I can actually feel the diference in myself. I am so proud of what I have achieved and I have built a life for myself and together with my boyfriend I don't want anything to jeopardize that. But how can I let him carry on!? Another manager that was there at the time I told him to keep an eye out for other vulnerable people going through the charity but he has now left and got fed up with him. What boils my blood even more is that they actually work closely with the police services!! AND a few weeks ago he was even on the local radio talking about sexual abuse and grooming!!!!!!!!!!! I honestly. . . what can i say!? I was raging; how could this sick bastard have the audacity to talk about that subject of all things on a radio!! Encouraging people to come to him and how he can help them! I fell right into his hands but now I am better I know I would never have done anything like that if i was in the right frame of mind.

Please help me. I honestly just don;t know what to do next. I'm worried if i report him that he would find out it was me and try and contact me again somehow . I'd rather do things anonymously but I feel there are certain parts of the story that he would be able to pick up on and know it was me. I am scared and I really don't know what to do I am battling with myself.

Since you found that videotape they might be able to get him on some charge related to the charity. Ideas: is there a board of directors that you could speak to? Can you find a free legal service to go to the police with you? Maybe you could get a news investigative team to check out what's going on. You could also see if the charity is mentioned anywhere online and post reviews saying this man coerces vulnerable people into having sex. There are a bunch of ways to approach this. You have to be strong and just remember that you could be saving other people from becoming victims. Keep us updated!

i followed your post from new members. i am not sure how it is in the uk but in the US he would get in trouble for this. since he runs a charity and is preying on vulnerable people using his position of power to pressure them into sex, this is very much an ethical violation. it would be against the charities bilaws for sure such is why the above person mentioned trying to get ahold of a board member to talk to. does he happen to have a degree of some sort? such as a social worker or counselor? it is against that ethical code as well. i would go to the police and tell them where the tapes can be found because this is evidence he has done it to someone else as well. you were able to refuse, but he is going to keep doing this and the next person will not be as strong as you. on top of it, calling yourself a vulnerable adult, here we have the americans with disabilities act to protect us which he would have been hit with for harming a vulnerable person. i dont know if you have that there as well. he is a predator and he is going to keep harming people. hopefully the police will take it seriously and if you can find out the head of the charity and let them know as well that could put a stop to it. just by writing a letter to let them know all the details. you could do it anonomously. he may think it is the person on the tape. good luck and be strong. you are not the only one this has happened to and i am probably certain the person on the tape isnt the only one either.

what you wrote here pretty much describes what i went through with a therapist... cheating on his wife, jealousy, didnt want me to contact my friends, three-some and group sex , i can REALLY relate to the part where you said you couldnt say no. my T now has told me that it wasnt possible for me to say no with how much that man groomed me and played on my weaknesses. all of this really resonates with me and i feel for you and the pain you are going through

Thank you all so much for your replies it really means a lot. It's such a hard situation. I've always put off reporting him because I was good friends with his daughter. Even though we don't talk much any more I still worry about losing her friendship and even worse, her respect. I beat myself up over it enough without other people doing it too. Think that is the biggest fear; he has got such a good reputation, people see him as this really great, inspirational guy as he became disabled and went through college and uni to get enough quals to start the charity.

Unfortunately there is no one higher than him that I can go to as he is the head/managing director of the charity. The whole situation was so ****ed up I got into so many situations I didn't want to be in but I went along with the whole thing. He completely played on my weak state. As it was 3 years ago I don't know if he would even have all the recordings and if they'd be in the same place .

Plus I keep thinking of all the detail I would have to go in if I reported him; I'm not sure if I'm ready for that and to be honest, I'm not very good on the details such as dates, times etc. So I feel I have no solid proof just his word against mine. What makes me sick is that he works so closely with the police as well. He is completely hiding in plain sight!

I have an appointment with my counsellor to talk through it all a bit more tomorrow so I will see how I feel after that. I am turmoil; do I report him, do I not; if I do, how and where do I go about it!? I would much rather do it anonymously but is that possible. I just never want to hear or see his face ever again. The though of him makes me feel nauseous and dirty. I feel like he's laughing at me.

How do you think I could approach a new investigator; would they not spin it into gossip? do you think even 1 bad rumour that it would turn people off? ARGHHHH this is so frustrating. I think I need to try and read up on any kind of disability act in the UK. I can never seem to find much about vulnerable adults being groomed. As I was technically an adult does that mean he has just gotten away with it or would the fact i was a vulnerable adult actually come into it!?

Thank you for your support guys I really appreciate it. xxx

What a tough situation! I totally understand your emotional dilemma. It's not misplaced fear either. Reporting someone and then seeing them get off because there's insufficient evidence can be a very painful experience.

I can't talk about any legal issues because I just don't know enough about it. But I can make two suggestions. First, you might get someone you trust to talk to the police for you. They don't have to mention your name. They can say they know someone who wishes to remain anonymous who experienced abuse from this guy. I would think the police would at least have to investigate the situation. They could get a search warrant, perhaps, and search his home for the tapes (or who knows what other materials he might have hidden away that you didn't see).

Another possibility is to check online if your city has a phone number for reporting abuse of vulnerable adults. A quick search on Google showed me that typing in "reporting sexual abuse vulnerable adults [CITY NAME]" could bring up a website with information, if the city has one. They might not need to ask for your identity, and they might be able to advise you better as they might know more about the laws on this kind of thing.

If you decide not to proceed, please don't feel guilty. This is a really bad, tough situation. We can't always be heroes/heroines. We just have to accept that.