[Morgana888]

I recently had dealings with a very messed up guy. It was in a forum and he was a bully who also was popular with a large group there. He had been trying to win me over but when he went after a member he saw as a threat to his ego I sttod up up him. Then he turned his rage on me and harassed and bullied me. I outed him, bad idea, but the whole thing just left me not very able to make the best decisions.

Anyway, I left the forum for many months and recently returned to discover he had been waging war on my friend and trashing me. A few of his friends along with himself began a smear campaign. I decided to put an end to it and apologize privately even though I had done nothing wrong. Wasn't enogh. He wanted me to say I falsely accused him in public. The though of it brought back bad memories and feelings from the abuse I grew up with. I did it though because he was not going to stop and I need to be there for something I am a part of. Now I feel rage. And sick. He took so much pleasure in it and his friends believed him despite his awful behavior. They just say nothing or approve. And now I am reliving past horrors where nobody understood or believed what was happening to me. They just stood by and did nothing or saw it as me being the problem.

I am committed to a project where this forum is used. I can limit my involvement but I want to leave and I feel the same way I did growing up. I realize I never really got over it but just buried it. How do people cope with this? I have no clue.

[CANDC]

Hi Morgana. Welcome to Psych Central. The kind of abuse you suffered at other website(s) is not tolerated here. It is a safe community that you can feel safe in. Let me or other Commuity Liaisons know or a moderator if anything happens.

It is tough hearing how much this guy delighted in manipulating people. It sounds like this article I read today. How to Identify a Narcissist In Family or Couples Counseling | Neuroscience and Relationships

You really did the right thing to stop the war against your friend even if some people saw it as surrender. Wars are never won. What is sad is how much this triggers feelings from the past for you. Minimizing contact with that guy sounds like a good way to stop the triggering if that is possible.

Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts). Depression chat meets on Thursday night at 9pm EST and Anxiety Wednesday at 8PM.

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.