BEYOND ABUSE THAT I CAN'T DEAL WITH!

Justice I shivered reading your story ....sorry that you've been thru so much. I was abused at three and I'm 50 now. My hope for the future keeps me hanging in there waiting for justice to be done.I dont know if this helps at all but the creator is going to destroy false religion that is filthy in its fruitage. If this doesn't help then please ignore..... Keep love alive in your life eg how you love Nico your beautiful dog. I love my children and pets...(((((hugs))))) to you and we are listening and trying to help when we can...luv Jjulia

Your story is so awful. I am sorry for what you've been through. I have not suffered nearly as much, but I know what you mean by returning to being a scared little girl when you're triggered by reminders, especially by large ones such as anniversaries.

I love your screen name, by the way. It sounds like "justice" is what you've taken from what happened to you, that you haven't repeated the cycle and that you've done things to protect others from abuse and helped others in ways others should have helped you. That's a remarkable thing and a sign of strength. Not everyone could do that.

Do you think it would ever be possible to leave Utah? I know it wouldn't be easy for me just to pack up where I am, but it sounds so horrible for you. I know that you are also unwell. But is it possible to begin working on a long-term goal to leave that you could chip away at little by little? Maybe that could give you some hope.

But for now, I'll send you my deepest understanding and thoughts.

<font color="#000088">My hope's and dreams are to get back home to California,San diego to be exact! I'm just waiting to find out if I can afford it.My Disability checks (SSI) will transfer when I move,and I have Direct Deposit with my bank,so I don't have to worry about that,plus my medical insurance goes along with the Disablility,so my insurance transfers as well! I would just have to go into the office and fill out a new form,for a new card,my old card is probably expired,even though I still have it! But what I'm working on right now,is figuring out,how to transfer my section 8 low income housing,it's a federal program,and I found out that it should be able to be transferred to California.I just have to find the right person to talk to about it,to see about getting it transferred. If I can get it transferred,then I can go back,as soon as November 2007!(that's when my lease is up)If I can't get it done by then,I'll end up having to sign another years lease here! But when I can get there,I can easily find a way out of the lease,legally! But without the section 8 transferring,I can't afford to move back right now,I'm just praying for a miracle! My best friend in my old neighborhood down there is on section 8,and she said if I can get mine transferred,there is a couple apartments available in her building,that are 1 bedroom,just like I need,they allow pets,so Nico would be allowed there,and smoking is fine,so there won't be an issue with me being a smoker either.Plus she would give me an excellent reference with the landlord,and she's friends with the landlord! I have a friend that will drive up,and pick me and Nico up,and drive us and our belongings back to California! The only thing stopping me is the getting the section 8 transferred,which I'm working on,or striking it rich first! Then I'm outta this state! </font>