can you relate to people in real life?

I was not sure where to post this so feel free to move it.

When I'm here at PC, I like to go to chat and talk to people, I like to hear their stories and feel I can relate to a lot of it. I miss the people here if I don't come on for a while.
But in real life I can hardly get close to anybody. When people talk to me I often freeze up, I can't stand people touching me (it feels like my skin stings... it's wierd), I tend to react violently when people try to hug me and I'm not prepared, otherwise I just freeze up.
I can talk to people about school stuff and things that really have nothing to do with me, but as soon as people start getting a little personal, I usually act real childish or become hostile, which usually makes them go away.
I've often been told that I am arrogant, and maybe I am.. I don't know, I don't feel arrogant. Inside my head I can relate to people, like I will think in my head I want a hug, or think about talking normally to people. But it's not what I do.

Do any of you feel that way. Guess it just really bothers me cause I want people to like me, and I want to be able to show them that I like them back, but as it is I don't think I'm actually an easy person to like.

Izzy

I relate totally. I communicate best through writing. I can fake being social for my job, but in my interpersonal relationships outside of work, I'm generally very quiet until I've known someone long enough to know I can trust them.

I don't mind hugs, but only if I want them. I know a couple people who even hug people they've just met, and it creeps me out. To me a hug is a very intimate thing, and if I'm going to let someone touch me, I'd rather it be someone I know already!

One of my dearest friends, of over 20 years' duration now, told me that the first time she met me, she thought I was a total ****** because I came off as kind of aloof and cold. She said after about 6 months of knowing me, she realized what I was *really* like, but it took some time to get to know me. That seems to be pretty common with me, I guess. I don't set out to be aloof, I just don't want to let too much personal stuff fly till I'm sure of the person. I think it's more self-protection than anything.

That was a long-winded way of saying no, I don't think you're weird.

Candy

Hi Izzy,

When I first started dealing with past sexual abuse 17 years ago, I wasn't too keen on touch myself either. It's perfectly normal when someone has been touched inappropriately.

Now I am okay with it, in fact I welcome it in certain settings. For instance I belong to AA and we do alot of hugging there. I did have someone hug me inappropriately and it triggered me - which surprised me after all the years. But the amazing thing to me was I was able to say something the next time that he did it and it hasn't happened again. Nice guy - just inappropriate, so we can still be friendly and it's not uncomfortable AND I took care of myself.

Also, my abuser was my grandfather and the only grandfather I had. In one of my AA groups there is a man who is about 74 - now he could actually be my father but I can't help but look at him as a grandfather. I told him this and told him that he was the grandfather that I have always wanted. I can't wait every week for Saturday morning to get my hugs from Charlie - he has helped me heal another piece of my past that I thought would remained scarred.

Be gentle with yourself, it takes time and there is nothing wrong with your thinking or behavior.

Tranquility

thank you for those replies. It's nice to hear that things can change. I hope they do for me too, even if that sounds very selfish.
Those are good stories, I'm glad you shared them. And you did make me feel less wierd.



Thank you

Izzy