[ejayy78]

I haven't felt this bad in a long time. I've been having flashbacks and bad dreams and it's like the abuse is happening all over again. I haven't slept more than maybe a few hours a night for over a week. I've been trying to hide it or ignore it but I can't anymore. I see my t tomorrow, but I'm afraid she's just going to think I haven't been doing anything to try and reduce my anxiety or any of that crap. I don't know how to tell her that I'm worse off than I usually am. I feel like all the abuse is happening again every night. I'm scared and I don't feel safe. Im scared my t won't understand or that she'll make me talk about the flashbacks I'm having. I just can't do that.

I really have no idea why I'm posting this. Like what I want from this. I don't know. I just needed to get it out. I don't have anyone to talk to who understands. I don't even understand why all of this is coming at me a million miles an hour.

[nicoleflynn]

It is important to share what you are going thru with your t.

[littleowl2006]

Hello, nice to meet you.
You sound overwhelmed. I could relate to what you wrote - I guess it has something to do with the fear of being misunderstood or challenged in a fragile state. Maybe you can express this fear to your T so she can support you?

[ejayy78]

Littleowl, yeah I guess I could try to communicate that I'm feeling fragile. I don't like using that word when I have to relate it to myself and how I'm feeling because I always try to make everything seem like it's not such a big deal. But I don't think I could take it if she tried to push me to talk about it. I see my t in like an hour, I'm still feeling really on edge.

[littleowl2006]

Tell us how it went!
And maybe tomorrow will be a better day for you. Everything passes, change happens and none of us feels strong everyday.

[starfruit504]

I agree that these are issues that need to be discussed with your therapist. I'm sure he/she would want to know. I relate to what you said, and I know that feeling of being both in pain and hopeless, like nothing is going to make it easier. How you feel is of the utmost importance. You need to make room for your feelings and honor them, even if they're unwanted and dark. Your therapist will want to do that with you but they can only work with what you give them.

[ejayy78]

Thanks everyone. My session was just okay. I told my t how I was feeling and we tried to sort through those emotions, but I had a hard time because I kept dissociating. My t was really great about it though. Really supportive. I've done so well at staying present while we talk about the abuse in my sessions lately that I feel like this really set me back. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself..everyone has bad days, right?