[paradox22]

I've learned an effect of child abuse can be emotional immaturity as an adult. You stay stuck at a younger age emotionally. Does anyone know about that? Or how to overcome that? Or does it gradually go away once you aren't being abused anymore?

[vonmoxie]

That seems like an unfortunate characterization, which I'm not sure is at all accurate. If anything, people who've been traumatized have an expanded body of emotional wisdom, albeit hard come by.

There's certainly evidence of a somewhat greater likelihood of mental health issues later in life for those of us who were abused in our youth than for those that haven't, but I don't think it's an immaturity that's involved -- and anyway all of us have the opportunity not to be a part of those statistics, though some have to really fight for it.

I think the best that can be done is to exercise good self-care -- after all, we have to make up for the bad care we otherwise received -- and to find what ways work for us, to deal with our expanded reality effectively.

[IrisBloom]

I believe being stunted emotionally is real. But, remember, life is a process and some people do mature faster than others. The main thing is to be patient with yourself and keep growing. Don't compare yourself to others, as you have your own unique road to travel and you can and should love yourself even if you are not perfect.

[paradox22]

I just read that a child's developmental progress may be halted and some may become poorly adjusted emotionally and psychologically. So I guess it is possible that one would never have developed emotionally quite like people without abusive pasts also because of the complex emotions that adults are left with after an abusive childhood they have a hard time with those and with poor adjustment that might last into adulthood.

[paradox22]

Originally Posted by IrisBloom

I believe being stunted emotionally is real. But, remember, life is a process and some people do mature faster than others. The main thing is to be patient with yourself and keep growing. Don't compare yourself to others, as you have your own unique road to travel and you can and should love yourself even if you are not perfect.

Thanks. But do you know if there's anything I can do about it to become more emotionally mature? Will I ever get to the emotional maturity of my peers?

[IrisBloom]

If you are getting treatment or therapy that should help as you figure things out about yourself and identify things you want to change. If you are not in treatment I'm sure there are self-help books and articles you can read online. I can look up some things for you if you want.

[paradox22]

Originally Posted by IrisBloom

If you are getting treatment or therapy that should help as you figure things out about yourself and identify things you want to change. If you are not in treatment I'm sure there are self-help books and articles you can read online. I can look up some things for you if you want.

That would be awesome if you could look some things up! I don't know where to find This stuff and I don't know really what defines my emotional maturity or how it's lacking. But I think having a healing environment would help.

[IrisBloom]

I will gladly do that for you. Give me a day or two. I will PM you info as I get it, ok?

[starfruit504]

When I entered therapy at 19, I asked my psychologist about emotional age and he said I was about 11. I really didn't like the sound of that. Especially when that couldn't have put me very far ahead of my narcissistic psychopath abuser. But looking back the doctor was right about the fact that I was being held back by the abuse. It felt like an insult at the time, but I don't believe at all that I was an more "immature" than most people at 19 who weren't abused; it's just that my issues were wrapped up in some very dark, tumultuous occurrences that I lived in denial of for a very long time.

My advice is to seek help from a mental health professional. I've come a long way, year after year, and healing will always be a work in progress. Am I emotionally the same age as my calendar age? I have no idea. But I don't feel hampered by my past, I don't feel controlled by my trauma.

[PrairieCat]

WHO is to say how old we are?

Probably the best judge of that is us ourselves.

[hjames]

You have taken a good step toward maturity in being aware. As a data point, I have tried to help my wife for 14 years. She is stuck in mid teens in some regards, and despite lots of therapy I haven't been able to help her move needle forward more than maybe 3 years in all that time. She's 40. Time alone hasn't helped.

[Parva]

Originally Posted by starfruit504

When I entered therapy at 19, I asked my psychologist about emotional age and he said I was about 11. I really didn't like the sound of that. Especially when that couldn't have put me very far ahead of my narcissistic psychopath abuser. But looking back the doctor was right about the fact that I was being held back by the abuse. It felt like an insult at the time, but I don't believe at all that I was an more "immature" than most people at 19 who weren't abused; it's just that my issues were wrapped up in some very dark, tumultuous occurrences that I lived in denial of for a very long time.

My advice is to seek help from a mental health professional. I've come a long way, year after year, and healing will always be a work in progress. Am I emotionally the same age as my calendar age? I have no idea. But I don't feel hampered by my past, I don't feel controlled by my trauma.

I think you're right that the abuse holds us back. Early abuse changes the way our brains develop; how can that not affect our emotional development? I don't think we're 'locked' into a certain emotional age, but we follow unique pathways. Sometimes those manifest as less mature, maybe, but it's different. The scariest parts of all this are the brain changes that occur. I had a quantitative EEG done recently as a prelude to neurofeedback. Significant brain wave abnormalities in certain parts of my brain...but these can apparently be corrected with neurofeedback.

[TerriLynn]

I feel like that describes me well. I don't know how to grow. I am not in therapy now either, but am trying to talk myself into it!

[MyFriendAmy]

I haven't been evaluated but I feel I am probably emotionally immature as well. I chalk it up to being so withdrawn as a child and then the bullying, I never got real opportunities to develop. I wish I had some advice, but as others have said awareness is a huge step. You can't fix a problem you don't know is there.

[precaryous]

I can relate to it this. I've always been this way. I noticed it when I was young and thought I would grow out of it. Over the years I have learned to adapt and try to self-protect.

I am currently in therapy and struggling with this.

I wish I could tell you how to overcome it. I am glad, at least, therapists recognize the problem. Years ago, I didn't know what to think.