[SomethingWitty1]

This is a long, twisted story but I'll try and tell it as best as possible.
I've always had a strained relationship with my parents, and to a lesser extent my sister. I never really even knew my dad up until a couple of years ago when he retired; he used to work all the time and I'd only see him on weekends. As a person, I would describe him as: Cold, aloof, distant, uncaring and honestly? Pretty scary.

My mum is the complete opposite of my dad, but not in a good way. She's very authoritarian, and when I grew up in the house, I began to feel as if everything I did was wrong. She would explode over something as stupid as something not being cleaned properly, and it could escalate into throwing things at people. She has an EXTREMELY bad temper and you can usually set her off by making a little bit of a mess, which she can snowball into World War 3.

Anyway, once my father retired, he was around the house a lot more often and it was around this time things went downhill. He always used to keep tabs on me, even if I was just around the house; he asked me where I was all the time and what room I was going to. There was one incident when we went out for dinner and he put his hand on my leg under the table...and it just felt wrong. I asked him what this was about and he said it was 'a fatherly gesture'.

At this point, I freaked the **** out because he is totally NOT a touchy feely guy, he didnt so much as hug me when I was younger. I began to think and think and think. He spent every day when he retired 'out at the driving range' and I began to wonder if he really was or was just up to something else. I remember another weird time when I was leaving for college and it was just him and me in the house and he invited some random guy in because he was doing a 'survey about newspapers' and it just felt so weird before I left.

With all these things combined, everything came to a head when I went up to his parents with him, just me and him. I recalled having to sleep in the same bed as him when I was younger and I wondered if anything happened. I was ****ting myself for the whole trip. Just as a side note, he made me push his mum in a wheelchair around a shopping mall and when I accidentally nicked his foot he turned around and said 'do that one more time, and I will hit you', in total seriousness. Shows what he is capable of.

I really couldn't keep this all bottled up for much longer so during an argument, I let slip these thoughts I was having. The whole family responded with SO much anger, hatred and malice. He called me crazy, had a weird imagination, accused me of trying to break up the family etc. He threw me on the floor sometimes and I was shouted at, spat at, physically threatened and when I pushed someone away in tears, they called the police on me and had me detained. This happened many times and they charged me with assault on one occasion so I went to court on the day I got my a level results, which were disappointing incidentally.

In the end, THEY WERE FINED because I had no ****ing money and it was just humiliating. I looked back and saw his face and he looked strangely pleased with himself that I was in agony. The lawyer said 'you can't choose your family' before we left and that was that.

So I stayed at home for a while but it was clear I couldn't stay. I didn't feel safe anyway. So they ended up putting me into a supported living unit which they must've had planned for a while. That also went to **** because I had several outbursts about all this, I was furious. The staff just provoked me and couldn't care less. They ended up evicting me and without a place to stay, I was put in a psych ward as otherwise I would've been homeless. That was just bizarre, but the worst part about it was that after being completely desperate and asking my parents to let me back so I can finish my a levels, they refused. My mum began to push for a diagnosis of 'emotionally unstable personality disorder' despite knowing very little about it. I knew more than her as I have an interest in psychology. The psychiatrist said she didn't believe I had it but my mum was adamant.

Thankfully they granted me day leave to study in the library and I was housed in another supported living unit before the exams started. And that's where I am now! After having nearly killed myself to get these a levels finished, now I just feel shell shocked. They are still just up the road, and I could easily walk to their house if I wanted to, but whenever they open the door and see me, its like a serial killer has rocked up on their doorstep.
What can I do?

[lowinmood]

sounds like you need a break from them, not necessarily cut them off, but have a good long break, you get on with your life, make friends, do what you want to get out of life, create your life for you, not your parents, and when you're strong enough, go see them again, when you're feeling stronger.

Nothing you've done is wrong, none of this is your fault, you were the victim. It's good that your in supported living and getting support from a psychiatrist, least you don't have to deal with this on your own, get as much support as you can and counselling, and rise above them.

[starfruit504]

It seems like your parents are deeply in denial of the abuse and the fact that you're truth-telling is rocking their world.

In response to your feelings about your dad, I'll tell you what my therapist told me, "It's not normal to feel this way about your parent. Those feelings don't come from a vacuum." His behavior towards you was inappropriate and that's not your fault.

It doesn't sound as if your family have your best interest at heart. We don't all get the family we deserve. BUT we don't have to associate with abuser and we don't have to expose ourselves repeatedly to abuse. My advise is to keep working hard towards your independence and give them a wide berth. Look to others for guidance and support.