[PianogirlPlays]

I think thoughts that hurt. They are about things that have really hurt me but repeating it in my head makes it worse. The pain is real and very physical. It makes my head hurt and when it is really bad my whole body hurts. I had a few times today when I wasn't doing it. I was involved in the present and my mind was focused on the things I was doing like shopping at the open air market. I do have some really unresolved issues like not knowing if I will see my daughter and her family at Christmas. We had a tough time last summer but things have been much better but since the tough time involved seeing each other I have been afraid to ask if they are coming. My husband and I are too handicapped at present to be able to go to be near them. This is really the pain of rejection so I seem to be punishing myself. I hate being on a fence. My counselor thought I should go ahead but I have been concerned about the results. Concerned about how I will feel when I haven't seen them in about a year and nine months. I guess doing it is better than not.

[Skeezyks]

Hello PianogirlPlays: I would simply like to send some warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to successfully work through this dilemma.

[PianogirlPlays]

The matter is settled. I did ask and they can't come but it was all polite so I had some peace about it.