[LordLeetas]

I am here in this forum to hopefully meet someone who has been thru something similar to what I am currently experiencing. I am 27 now, its been 12 years since I was sexually abuse by a man that worked for my father and who has known me since I was just 3 years old. The summer I was 15 I helped out at my fathers printing company and that turned out to be the summer from hell. I told my mother what happened that day in June, which was Wednesday. She did what every parent would do and alerted that authorities, which told us there was not much they could do as it would be his word against mine. This angered me. My mother put me in therapy which then lead to group therapy. I changed dramatically, I went from a very bubbly teenage girl to and recluse, I didn't want to be around people, I hated school, I was a mess. I eventually stopped all therapy. I pushed everything deep down inside myself and sealed it off. Which I know now 12 years later was a terrible idea....

Now I have two wonderful children, a boy 8, and my girl 5....they have 2 different fathers. My daughters father I was never in a relationship with, it was a drunken night that I barely remember. I learned March 10th 2015 that her father had been sexually molesting her since she was about 2 years of age, totaling 2 1/2 years. When I learned of this, all of my fears as the mother of a baby girl came to life, as well as all my memories of my rape came flooding back with a vengeance. I have nightmares again that are far worse, I have nightmares where I am watching her father abuse her but I am powerless, I can't stop him in the dream. I myself have become to where I do not want any physical contact with anyone, I do not want to be touched by my husband, my children, nobody. I know this isn't healthy, especially for my children as it is rejection by me and I need help. I need to get thru my past in order to help my baby. She goes to counseling once a week and no longer sees her father and an investigation is ongoing. I am in this dark tunnel alone and I need light, I need help.

[RedSun]

Lordleetas I'm so sorry you've had these experiences. Are you having therapy for yourself? Sounds like you really need some support right now.
if you want them

[Cat_Lover_58]

Hugs to you Lordleetas. I'm sending a private message a little later today, I'm getting some laundry started soon. Hugs!

[nicoleflynn]

I hope you will get therapy for yourself, as this isn't going to go away by itself,xo

[LordLeetas]

Yes Red75 and nicoleflynn, I actually have an appt tomorrow the 7th to see someone. I have known I needed to see someone for awhile now, but I have been focused on my daughter Abbigail's counseling that I put myself on the back burner, and I now realize that I can't help her emotionally as a mother should until I get the help that I need. I joined this site a couple of days ago and I am glad I did, its been very positive so far, I am thankful for you guys, its amazing what a few kind and supportive words can do for someone. And I'll take all the hugs I can get.

[TerriLynn]

Lordleetas, you HAVE to help yourself to be ABLE to help your daughter. You are doing all of the right things, stopping the visitation, getting the investigation rolling, and getting her help. You are taking very good care of your daughter. Good Job!

Keep in mind that part of creating a healthy and safe home for your daughter is having a happy and healthy marriage. Her step father is an important fixture in her life as it shows her that a father figure can do something other than hurt her. Your healthy marriage will be a model a healthy and happy marriage for your children.

[starfruit504]

I want to suggest you get in touch with an additional resource, a counselor who was the victim of family controlled child sex-trafficking and now has children herself. Her name is Elisabeth Corey and she does phone consultations and blogs at Beating Trauma. You'll see on her website that she does phone sessions with victims and also the parents of victims. She's really brilliant and it's reading her blog and posts of PC that made me finally stop the denial about my own sexual abuse history. She knows where we've been and can meet us on a level that no other therapist can. Even if you only talk to her once, I know for sure that it will relieve some of your anguish.

I was so sorry to read this. There has to be so much going on inside you right now. You're much stronger than most.

TerriLynn is right. You can't help her if you don't get help for yourself.

There is a light and it's coming. I know it's terribly dark now but the healing will happen, the light will surely come.

[LordLeetas]

Originally Posted by starfruit504

I want to suggest you get in touch with an additional resource, a counselor who was the victim of family controlled child sex-trafficking and now has children herself. Her name is Elisabeth Corey and she does phone consultations and blogs at Beating Trauma. You'll see on her website that she does phone sessions with victims and also the parents of victims. She's really brilliant and it's reading her blog and posts of PC that made me finally stop the denial about my own sexual abuse history. She knows where we've been and can meet us on a level that no other therapist can. Even if you only talk to her once, I know for sure that it will relieve some of your anguish.

I was so sorry to read this. There has to be so much going on inside you right now. You're much stronger than most.

TerriLynn is right. You can't help her if you don't get help for yourself.

There is a light and it's coming. I know it's terribly dark now but the healing will happen, the light will surely come.

I will definitely check out Elisabeth Corey's site, I will do anything to help myself and my daughter. It took me a long time to get to the point where I admitted to myself that I needed help as well as my daughter. It's a long road but I am finding the support I need her on PC and in just the first few days that I have been using this site has made me feel less alone and I am now hopeful for the future. Thank you all for your kind words.

You sound like a really great mum Lordleetas - really brave x