[wounded_soul]

Here is my story. Six years ago in December 2009 I made a suicide threat and was feeling extremely suicidal. My family called 911 and the police came and I was taken to a mental hospital. I stayed 13 days. The doctors released a number of patients who were about to be released in a day or two early on Christmas Eve so they could spend Christmas with their families. Well I am going to explain what happened to me and I just need advice on what happened and how should I deal with it.

At the time I was living with my parents. They did not arrive to pick me up on Christmas Eve from the mental hospital. I called on the phone and they told me they were not coming. I had nowhere to stay, as I had no friends who could take me in. I had a tech print out directions to the homeless shelter and begged him for bus fare. He looked at me like I was mad, but gave me a few dollars.

This was my first time ever in a homeless shelter, on Christmas Eve. I called my parents and begged and begged, and eventually they let me sleep on the floor of the small business that my mother owns.

Oh, before I went in the homeless shelter, I stopped by my parents' house, which the day before used to be my house too. I found it locked. I rung the doorbell. My sister walked up to the door and saw it was me and went back without ever opening the door. I looked through the window and saw Christmas decorations were out and a Christmas tree was up (they were not up when I first arrived at the hospital). I then saw my sister sitting next to the Christmas tree and in front of a warm fire with a boy that I had never met, who was presumably her boyfriend. Now he was probably a very nice guy, but it seemed so hurtful that this stranger was able to celebrate Christmas with my family, and me, her brother, unable to. It felt like I had been replaced and I was now an orphan.

The next day, Christmas Day, there was a party for my extended family. It was not at my parents' house but at my aunt and uncle's house. My immediate family told me that I could not go. I said you have no right to tell me no as you are not the hosts. They said if you go, we will cut you off from all financial support in the future. As I had no job and no money, I decided to back down and I did not go to the party.

But what hurts most of all was the knowledge that I feel my family played Russian Roulette with my life. Thanks be to God I did not kill myself that year. But I also feel like one does not need to be Sherlock Holmes to know that I could have killed myself. I was kicked out of my family the day I was released from the mental hospital, which was also Christmas Eve, and my family had brought me into the mental hospital because they thought I was suicidal. I feel like I came very close to death that day.

Am I crazy for thinking that this is really, really messed up? Their excuse for their actions, I should mention, changes. It varies from "tough love" because I was depressed and unable to snap out of it, to their belief that I should still have been in the mental hospital even though I was released by a doctor (and I wanted to stay there longer), to a disagreement over which doctor and therapist I should see. Am I crazy for thinking this all nonsense and the real reason was I was the family scapegoat who needed to be punished? I did not ever once get drunk, use drugs, get arrested, or hang around bad friends.

My parents have made a sort of apology to me but my two siblings have never apologized, and I have heard that they were the instigators of this. Should I go no contact with my family? And how "normal" of a mistake is this? Are my family possibly decent people who made a bad mistake or are they something else?

Thank you!!

[green0cake]

I am so sorry with what happened to you. Are you in a strict family? I think they don't understand about mental health issues and what's the cause of your suicidal attempt. Seems that they're more conscious of what other people will say to them than taking care of your needs.

But this happened 6 years ago, right? Where are you living right now? Attending school? what's the status between you and your family now?

I'm so sorry this happened to you - it sounds like an awful experience being abandoned when you were so clearly in need. Your story made me cry- it resonates a lot. You must be an exceptionally strong person though, to still be here to tell it.

Originally Posted by wounded_soul

Should I go no contact with my family? And how "normal" of a mistake is this? Are my family possibly decent people who made a bad mistake or are they something else?

These are questions only you can answer - although a therapist can help you find those answers. In my mind - I don't think it matters if this was a mistake, or something else. To me, What matters, is understanding if these people currently contribute to you having a fulfilling and happy life. If they treat you in a way that makes you feel bad - no matter what their intentions - then their company should be avoided. Does it have to be black or white - contact / no contact? How about low contact?

[TerriLynn]

I am sorry you went through this.

I understand tough love, that sometimes it is the only way for someone to get the help that they need. But it sounds like you got that help and were released by the doctors. I think they could have handled this situation much better. If it was a matter of tough love, they needed to tell you at the time they spoke to you at the hospital, that you would not be welcome at the house because of A, B, C... so that you would have been clear on what the boundaries were. But, no one is perfect, even parents make mistakes in how they handle things.

The question about going no contact with the family is, is this a pattern of behavior for them, have they always and do they continue to treat you poorly? Or was this during a very bad time in everyone's life and people made mistakes?

[nicoleflynn]

I cannot understand such cruelty..you are obviously more emotionally healthy than they are. xoxo