[Taonuviel]

I'm curious as to people's views on childhood/adolescent bullying. Is it a normal thing which children should be encouraged to overcome, but otherwise left to their own to make sense of, or entirely ignored, or given some other response? Can childhood bullying ever be considered abuse, or is it too simple and normal for that? Seems it has become an issue since the infamous Columbine, but never too huge. An interesting book on the topic is Frank Peretti's "The Wounded Spirit."
While I'm interested in discussion on this, I also ask for personal reasons. I'm trying to make sense of myself and the things I've faced. From about the time I was 7-14 every peer I met either ignored, used-abandoned, or bullied me. I especially remember 6th grade, when I entered a new school, quickly was accepted, only to be turned against by one insecure girl and ganged up on by the majority of the class. It wasn't enough for them to leave me alone and friendless, they followed me around to taunt and degrade me, made lies to get me in trouble and against anything I said about their actions, and at times circled around to trap, push and hit me. As a result of the way they treated me and in addition to the depression/loneliness/worthlessness that had been building a few years, I tried bulimia, began abusing myself, became very suicidal, and also spent time considering ways to kill them(which ended and turned inward when I left the school). Was this abuse?
All opinions/comments are appreciated, even if it's "you're a wimp for letting that bother you," or without response to my experience but only the question, or your experiences... relating comments... yada yada yada. Thanks.

[Rapunzel]

Bullying was a topic in the Abuse and Neglect class I took last Fall. Since it was an internet class, there was no discussion about it, and the book didn't address it either, but there was a paper assigned about bullying. The teacher summarized the results. Almost everybody considered bullying to be abuse, and a problem that needed to be taken seriously. A majority of the class had either been bullied or had participated in bullying, or both (there tends to be some overlap - one kid gets bullied, so they pick on someone else in turn), and there were at least two class members who were, in the words of the teacher, "still deeply scarred" by the experience of having been bullied.

Some definitions of abuse seem to limit child abuse to acts perpetrated on a child by an adult who has responsibility to care for the child. But I do not find that to be an adequate definition. Maybe being abused by someone a child has a right to expect to take care of them adds a dimension to it, but being hurt (physically, emotionally, etc.) is damaging regardless of who hurts you, even if it is another child. I was one of those still deeply scarred by the effects of abuse. In my paper, I compared a list of typical symptoms of an abused child with my own experience, and it matched up. Now, it isn't possible to make a definitive claim that all of those symptoms are solely the result of having been bullied. The list included things like depression, low self-esteem, anger, as well as short-term physical effects such as bruises, that can more directly be pinpointed to the abuse. My conclusion was that since the effects of bullying are the same or similar to the effects of child abuse, that it should be considered a form of child abuse, and victims of bullying should receive the same treatment.

Treatment for victims of bullying is very much overlooked. There are programs for prevention of bullying and for trying to teach bullies better social skills, but I am not sure how effective those programs are. One problem with those that separate the bullies out and attempt to change their behavior is that some of the bullies are victims and are picked on while in those classes. I'm also concerned that those programs may just poduce more sophisticated bullies. The most effective anti-bullying programs are those that address an entire school community, children and adults, promoting a spirit of inclusion and empathy. And I think that making treatment available to the victims is very important, not only because the scars of bullying can last a life-time, but also because of the tendency for so many victims to become bullies themselves, in extreme cases even leading to incidents such as Columbine, where victims of bullying reacted very violently.

Bullying is not a normal childhood experience, and children should not be left to their own devices to deal with it. Treatment and support are absolutely crucial.

<font color=orange>"Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."</font color=orange>

[krzyk101]

In my opinion from what you described, I can only say as many experiences myself began in the 7th grade through high school. Yes in my opinion it is abuse, rather it be physical or verbal it is abuse to me.

I think of when I was in Jr/Sr high school that the other kids were awful and degraded me I was the center of there attacks aka 'jokes'. These lies, taunts, snickers, and laughs by them made me only feel like more of a nothing than I already felt like as a teen. I remember some of their cruel doings to this day. Mostly I wonder to myself now 31 yo disabled and think 'why didn't the teachers do anything?' Where were those teachers supposed to keep order? I sure hope things have changed in the schools today since I didn't graduate in 1991 as planned in grade one. I quit school because of the peers, not because of school or the willingness to learn.

Yes it is abuse to me.

Best Wishes-
~KRIS~

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[Beautiful_Pain]

I don't really know if I can say it's a type of abuse or not...but I was at the receiving end of quite a bit...alot for being 'poor' 'quiet' 'smart' and alot for being of a certain racial background. Mine, too, was not limited to one or two people 'picking on me' but the majority of the 'popular' kids in class. Boys and girls alike. From 2nd grade through 11th (I switched schools in my Jr year is why it stops there) always from the same groups of people. There were a few times one of their crowd would be nice to me one-on-one, and though I reveled in that, and had secret fantasies I would be accepted because of it...it never happened. And I lost hope in having friends, and my schoolwork suffered as a result, though all the teachers said I had so much potential, and was bright. I was almost moved up a grade on a few occasions, but the teachers and such thought I needed the social skills of interacting with my own age group :/ I don't know if it would have helped, but one will never know, now. It seems now, too, that had I skipped a grade or two, it could have gone either way. Better, getting into a new set of people throughout the day...or worse, that my age mates would have more things to razz me about being too good etc.

Anyway...just a bit of my experiences.



<font color=purple>Pain can indeed be a beautiful thing</font color=purple>

[bug]

Your post sounded very familiar to me. Not exactly the same, but when i was in school I was always looked down on. When I look back on it now I can see that it was all related to my own self image. I acted different then others. I tried my best to be invisable but that is difficult in school. Even in nature those that are different are always targets of the others. We like to think of ourselves as more evolved but when it comes right down to it we still react and act much like the other animals in nature. Bullying is a terrible thing. It makes a child dread getting up in the morning. You fear walking down the hall between classes, and lunch is a nightmare. It would be nice if we could educate the world to this problem, make children kinder, but I can't see it happening. If our educators were a little more inlightned it would truely help. We need people in place in school to watch for this and help when needed.
I am very sorry to hear what you went through. You can be a help to others and by sharing yourself here, you have been. thank you.
BUG