[Lostsheep2]

I'm having trouble and I could use the help.

Around 5 years ago was when I first learned my dad was abusive, and my mom is a big of a narcissist. It's a bit rough, I see my little sister gaining these abusive traits and I can't help but think it's my fault. I tried protecting her, I tried showing her right action, and it isn't working.

My cousin's have offered me a place to live, but their home is not stable either. They are leaving a bankruptcy and going through a divorce. They love and care for me there, and I'm much happier when I'm with them, but I don't know if that unstable environment will do well for me. They are odd people, I love them, but their morality and and self view is a bit askew.

I worry about my little sister being left alone, and my parents are both very sick. I don't want to abandon them, bug I know I need to help myself before I can help them.

I guess I need some guidance. I don't feel prepared to move, and my parents made it clear that it's a war cry if I do. I'm not employed, and I'm very scared.

What can I do?

[WhatDayIsItAgain]

Hello I am so glad you reached out for advice and options. There are many nice and smart people here for you to meet. It is a very tough and important decision. I respect you for seeking us out. I am kinda new to this forum also so please wait for more experienced people to answer also.

Both you and your sister deserve safety and protection (16 is the legal age to be legally emancipated in most states... you would be able to receive help directly instead of thru your parents). If you or your sister are being abused or threatened with abuse there is a local hotline/crisis center with a "safehouse". Financial Aid, Job Training, Apt subsidys, counselors, case managers, blended school programs or GED diplomas, etc are available if you choose to explore what they can offer. If you are trying to make sure past abuse does not re-start they can help with a "safety plan" for you and your sister. If you need help just talking about what is happening while you search for a solution... this is a great place... just to talk, rant, and question also.

You can receive support for your emotions handling these many serious choices from others here as you consider options: stay at home, go to your cousins, or plan to get out so your sister can visit you (at YOUR place) and hopefully follow you into adult independence.

I am sorry your parents hurt you. You do deserve kindness and comfort and stability.

[TerriLynn]

You are not responsible for taking care of your parents, or your siblings. That is THEIR job! If you have some where safe to go and can do that, I would say go. You cannot save your sister, you might be able to save yourself.

Even if the cousins environment is not great, maybe not stable, but is it abusive? Will going there help you to get out on your own?

[Lostsheep2]

Originally Posted by TerriLynn

You are not responsible for taking care of your parents, or your siblings. That is THEIR job! If you have some where safe to go and can do that, I would say go. You cannot save your sister, you might be able to save yourself.

Even if the cousins environment is not great, maybe not stable, but is it abusive? Will going there help you to get out on your own?

I'm afraid it could be. They like me right now, but I'm not sure if they are stable enough to be sure they would continue to like me. I think they have a bit of a nursing effect, they want to help me because it distracts them from their problems, but if I don't have my abuse problem anymore, I'm scared they may tire of me. I'm not sure what their love means.

Thank you though, I appreciate your help and support.

I'm also afraid of becoming docile, getting lazy while I'm there due to their supporting and lax nature. I'm used to being harassed to do things, if I don't have that anymore, I'm not very self motivated. Do you have suggestions to combat this?

[summersover]

You are only responsible for yourself. I think you are a very caring person, and I think it's amazing that you want to take care of your sister. But you have to do something for you in order for you to get out of a bad situation that's only making you feel worse and worse.

I believe that you can only help others by helping yourself first.