Emotional abuse...?

Hello everyone.
I'm not sure if what I've experienced could be called emotional abuse, but anyway.

I'm a 16 year old girl, and for as long as I can remember, my mom has never been there for me. When I was little, (younger and smaller than I am now) she hit me, locked me in side my room for many hours, with no food, water, etc. She has always called me bad things (I don't know what those words are in English, and I guess it isn't allowed to swear and that stuff on PC.), told me how ugly I am, that I don't deserve to live, that she wants me to die, wants to kill me, that she wont care if I die or do suicide, that I've ruined my own life, that it is my fault, that it is my own fault that I was born and that she really didn't want me to live, that I have ruined her life, she hates me, etc. And she still do. She also has threatened me with a knife a few times, but it always turns out that she doesn't do it. She also swears and say bad stuff to my dad, when she tells him to go hit me, kill me, etc. when he don't want to. On one side, I'm pretty sure she won't do it, but on the other side, I'm so scared I often don't know what to do anymore. I don't want this anymore, I know no one would, but... I just don't want to live with this anymore!! When we are together with other people, she acts completely different, like nothing was wrong. Why do she do this? Where did I go wrong?

I also got two little brothers. Now I've started to see that she do almost the same to them, as she did to me when I was younger. The smallest one, 7 years, often cries for no reason, and I try my best to help him, ask what's wrong, and he doesn't say anything other than "Mommy, mommy." It scares me, cause when he is like this, he don't want her around, so I guess he means he's scared of her or something. I don't know how to handle this, I feel so responsible for this...

My mom and dad often fight too, and she always gives us children the blame. Mostly me. She often says "If you weren't born this would've never happened!" and swears and calls us bad things.

I've recently had lots of problems sleeping, because when I fall asleep I keep waking up for some reason, often because I'm screaming or crying or something. Or just because I feel locked in and needs to go out side to catch my breath. So because of this I stay awake. I feel so tired at one hand, but on the other I can't lay still, can't relaxe, can't sleep, etc. I feel so empty, kind of. I never laugh, cries, smiles, etc. I just sit in my room, or goes for a walk, alone. The only person I feel good around is my boyfriend. When he's not around, I feel like crap. I feel like nothing. I don't want this, I want help on one hand, on the other I just want to end it all...

Thanks for reading, I hope I'll get some comments... I'm not sure if I can call this emotional abuse, but - I feel like it is...

I guess I should've writen down my whole life story for this to make any sense... I just don't feel like doing it now, to much pain... I guess I could do it if somebody cared, but I don't know. And I don't feel like I can put a word on all my feelings, because I feel like I have none, so I don't know. I've tried, but when I read over it, this isn't actually how I really feel, just a few parts of it.
But thanks for reading anyway. *Hugs*

Maximohs -

This is DEFINATELY emotional abuse and there is also physical abuse if she is hitting you. Does your dad know what she does to you? Sounds like he doesn't know how to care for you either.

I can understand why you are not sleeping - if someone was threatenting to kill me I would sleep with one eye open too.

I don't know how things are in Norway - is there a state agency that takes care of children who are abused? In the US they generally call it something like DCYF (Department for children, youth, and families).

You need to run to one of these places if it is available to you and get help for you and your brothers. If it isn't available, tell another adult, a teacher, a doctor, someone and see if you can get some help.

Tranquility

Yes, Maximohs, that's very definately emotional abuse (and physical)! You are not responsible for it, your adult parents are. I don't know what you can do to help your little brothers other than try to comfort them and maybe when you're older and on your own, try to support them (invite them to your place) a bit more.

My stepmother was abusive in the same way, hitting me and punishing me unrealistically for things that did not deserve it and calling me names, etc. I still remember her calling me a "dirty, old, black-hearted thing" when I had hurt her or she thought I had done something "wrong."

Do you have aunts or uncles you can go visit or stay with some, any teachers or good, older friends you can talk to? As much as possible I would try to stay out of your home/bad environment until you can leave for good. I do not know the laws in Norway or what help they have for parents like yours but I would cling to the knowledge that it isn't your fault and work toward getting out and making as many friends outside your home now as you can for you and your little brothers to try and counteract your mother's bad behavior.

Hi Maximohs,

I’m so sorry you are going through all of this. And yes, what you are going through is both emotional and physical abuse. I agree with the others here that the best thing to do is try and connect with safe people you know, through family, friends, school, church, or through a doctor. One of the hardest things in a situation like this is getting out. And I know you think it’s all your fault but it’s not. You said that you feel good around your boyfriend. Talk to him about this and see if he will help you and your brothers find a way out and into a safer place. No one should have to live in an abusive home. I wish I can help you more but like many of us here, we’re unsure of how things work in Norway. You are in my thoughts though and I pray that you and your brothers are brought to safety soon. Take care, stay safe, and feel free to PM me anytime.

Hugs. ~ Bee

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Maximohs said:
I'm not sure if I can call this emotional abuse, but - I feel like it is...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes, it is.

Yes, this is abuse.

Your mother needs help from the outside. Is there anyone you can contact about this to try to get her that help? At the least she needs to learn better coping skills and keeping distance from her children when she's not doing well.

You and your siblings are in my prayers.

KD

(((((((((((Maximohs)))))))))))))))

Like everyone has said, it is emotional, verbal and physical abuse. I'm sorry you and your siblings are going through this. Please try to go get help.

Thanks for commenting and caring, I appreciate it.
I dont know where to go or what to do to get help. I live in a small place. My uncles/aunts/grandmother/grandpa on my mom's side doesn't know how she acts, and they always take her side in fights and that stuff. My grandpa also hurt me, but only once. He smacked my but when I was like 10 years old, because Ì went out to bring back my bike, but he didn't want me to. I was hiding in the bathroom for hours. So I guess, he would just say that that's the way to make us children do what they want and that stuff. My family on my dad's side doesn't live here, and my grandma and grandpa on dad's side is so old that they can't help me anyway. I guess I could talk to some one, but I don't have anyone that I trust, other than my boyfriend, so I guess I will talk to him first. It is only two years left untill I am 18, if I get that far, and then I will be "free", I hope. I'll move, that's for sure, and I will help my brothers. I don't know how to tell anyone...

Maximohs

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Maximohs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i'm sorry you are having to suffer through this

please tell someone! keep telling someone!!!! for yourself and for your brothers!

you've told us!! that's a great start!!!

you have a right to be happy and to not be abused!!

you seem like a very intelligent young lady and i'm sure there are tons of wonderful qualities about you!!! please do not believe the negative things said to you!!!!!

i know the pain of a mother's harsh words...i'm thinking of you and praying for you!!!!!

be happy sweetie!!!

How should I tell... I feel like I don't have enough strenght to do it, I don't know..
Thanks for the comments!

I haven't told someone yet. I didn't see the last post until now, sorry. I don't think I can tell anyone.. It hurts..

This is weird.. I don't remember writing the last one.. Anyway, since I already wrote it, lets forget about the one I posted now and forget about the whole thread thing..

Would you like to talk to someone here in PM? You are most welcome to write to me if you like, or if that would feel safer. Du kan skrive pa norsk hvis du vil heller. Jeg liker a snakke norsk. I'm sorry I didn't see your post the first time around, and I'm sorry that you still don't have someone you can trust where you live.

I'm a little bit familiar with Norway, and I understand that Norwegians believe in supporting children and preventing abuse. But I also know that there are some very small towns and isolated places where maybe there aren't many people to talk to. Do you live in a place like that? I wondered if maybe you are a little cut off from the world in the winter?

Maybe if you talk to your boyfriend he could think of someone you both could talk to together who you could trust. Families that abuse children keep to themselves and stay isolated on purpose. They are afraid of someone finding out, and afraid of having to change. They teach you not to trust anybody. You can break the cycle by telling someone what it is like for you, and getting some help for yourself and for your brothers.

It's more than emotional abuse. Abuse has elements of emotional, physical, sexual and/or also neglect aspects.

I'm sorry you regret posting, perhaps you were a bit detached when you did so. You do need someone to talk with, if there's no one there, like from school, then you might find a therapist online who can help you get through this.

No one should be locked up or treated that way. I'm sorry your mom isn't there for you, and isn't being a loving mom. That hurts in itself doesn't it?

You've done nothing wrong to deserve that stuff... don't let yourself think that. You don't have to be ashamed of how you are being treated by adults who should know better. You aren't an adult and aren't expected to be able to figure this out on your own. Are there any phone numbers you can call to talk to someone anonymously?

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE

Please continue to try to find someone to talk to, here on Psych Central and other places too.

maxi honey, you need to tell someone. is there some sort of social services over there you can talk to?
i think you definately need to tell someone. dont just hide it all, its not good for you or your brothers.

your story sounds like my childhood

*huge hugs*

*Hugs back*

Right now I dont know what to write, I'll write when I think clear and all.. Best wishes for all of you

Hugs-Angel