[lostinsidemyself]

I'm sitting here, incredablly depressed, not even sure why...dont think there's just one thing but I'm sitting here wondering that if someone can go through so much in their life that they are not fixable, that they cant come out the other side and ever be ok. I dont mean what they'd be if it all never happened...just be ok and as close to normal as possible....

You are fixable. The mind is resilient. You will get through this. It could take a lifetime of work, but you will be ok. Do you have someone you can call right now? It sounds like you are in a dark place. (((Hugs))))

[lostinsidemyself]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

You are fixable. The mind is resilient. You will get through this. It could take a lifetime of work, but you will be ok. Do you have someone you can call right now? It sounds like you are in a dark place. (((Hugs))))

Someone to call? No. Someone to message? Yes.

Its not near as dark as ive been but its a 'funk' that ive been in many many MANY times before.

This came after several things but wondering if one can go through so much in their trauma that they just cant be fixed came after hearing of someone being told that by therapists and their story is very very close to mine.

Just makes me wonder if im stuck effed up forever is all....like can I even get to where i want to be or is it this distant thing that I badly want but its impossible to get to.

Just a funk is all. A pothole that ive tripped into for a bit...

[DesigningWoman]

Any therapist that would tell a patient he or she can't be fixed is a liar and should find another job! In what way is that therapeutic? Anyone hearing that should find a new therapist.
I started life with rotten set of parents in a twisted circumstance. I was abused in and out of home for a very long time. I finally freed myself at age 36. I weep at lost time and so much life I missed trying to deal with trauma and pain while experiencing more of both. I tremble thinking of myself back there or never having left.
I got a tattoo (my first) at Thanksgiving. It says "fight;free". I got it on my leg where I can always see it.
Never stop fighting; never stop being free.
“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
There is help. There is always hope, but you have to keep fighting to get to a better place.

[lostinsidemyself]

I dont know, it just seems like no matter how hard I try, how far I go, how much I do...my past, how people react to me which I think has direct connection to my past because its how I act & react..maybe how i carry myself or maybe just a vibe people get from me...i dont know but it just never seems to change and I dont know how to change it or if it ever will change.

Example: I was bullied all through school; grade school from earliest memory all the way until I graduated and then into adulthood, it never stopped. Every job ive had. All the way to my current job; back in 2012 in training at my current job, I was bullied a lot in training and at the time i was 31...a 31 yr old person still being bullied? Actually, one of my trainers later ended up being my 2nd supervisor and back in training (training as since changed) but back then I was taking notes via email and emailing it to myself. We had midterms and finals; it was open "book" being our internal intranet resource we have, open note etc but not open email. Everyone laughed at me for asking about email due to taking notes (its that sort of look at each other and laughing when what you said wasnt supposed to be funny...a making fun of you sort of thing that everyone has always done my entire life and i hate it so much) and he sat with me and showed me how he created his own word doc to make it look like his own website and i did that and still have it saved in my drive. But its just the point that adults ban together and bully one other adult and that has never changed. And I think he sat with me like that because I was bullied and Id sit there with my head down while people were saying cruel things and laughing.

The meeting i just got out of was a meeting with another team because im out the week (to try out a new medication) that my sup is having her meeting. I said something that was serious, relavent to the topic and all i heard was laughter from everyone. It was that same 'making fun of' type and im now using up my break hiding in the bathroom stall and just want to disapear!

I dont know how to relate and connect to anyone and its sort of an unspoken thing i think or something. If everyone has always done it then its not them, its me.

I just dont think that i will ever get how to relate to people like i should, connect to people like i should, be "normal" and not say stupid stuff that make people do that 'make fun of' laugh and i think its because of how i grew up.

I know im different and i dont know how to change it so that people want to approach me, dont want to laugh at me, and want to befriend me.

Right now i just want to curl in a corner and die!

[Bluegirl1226]

Hello Lostinsidemyself.

Tight hugs to you if that’s okay. You are NOT unfixable. No one is. I think the person who was told by a therapist needs to get a new therapist for sure. But this is about you. I wish I knew what to tell you to pull out of that black pit where the black dog lurks laughing and daring you to try to get out. I know when I am like this it is very, very hard to come out of it. Are you getting out of the house at all? If you can go outside and sit in the sunshine, now I know that this is not going to cure you, but it will lift your spirits if only temporarily. Have you been eating? I go in the other direction and binge eat. If you haven’t been eating then get something decent in you stomach. And now the toughest part of all: Get up and go take a shower. If you can manage to do that it will help you just a tiny baby step, but it will help, I promise. Do you have a special friend that loves you unconditionally? If so call that person and let them know what you are going through. They will come to you and if nothing else just sit and BE with you transferring some of their energy to you just by being around them. I’m not being weird, I think you know what I mean by that. Some people just radiate and it is contagious. I hope some of this helps. Tight, tight hugs. Bluegirl1226 XXX