Abusive spouse

Hello,
I have lived for 35 yrs in a marriage that has surived loss of a son due to illness, an abusive spouse due to drinking for 18 yrs , still have a daughter that our relationship is slim. My spouse has asked for my forgiveness in his abuse, other affairs, drinking , yrs ago. We have in the past separated but he managed to talk his way back to me. That has stopped yrs ago . He is ill with heart problems and other illness but continues to work. The abuse and other problems stop when our son died. He asked for my forgiveness and is a good supporter. We did go for help quite a few times. But, I still in the back of my mind wish I had the courage to end this marriage. I guess I will say that till I die.
But, he tries to please me but sometimes his words can be macho and when I lecture him now about issues he is like a child. He does listen to me now. My mother says it is too late he will never leave me. He says he loves me which he never did before. We are going strong now and have been for a time now. But I can't help these feelings.
cathy56

OH my! You sure are making me think..Your story and mine are so close to the same! Except about your son (sorry about that loss), and that I've been married for only almost 13 years and want out of this marriage sooooo baaad! but I just don't have the guts..my 8 year old wants out too, Should I say or should I go?
I don't want to find myself 20 years from now hating that I didn't leave while I could. I don't want to find myself thinking of all the things I could had done but didn't because of my husband.
Why is it that I just cannot do it?
I used to think that when my younger kid left home I would to, but he is only 4 years old!!! I have a long way to go!!!

gab

I have to tell you the longer you stay in that relationship if does get harder to leave. I didn't and it has been 35 yrs and it affected my daughter's relationship with me. Children can sense what is going on. I felt like a being on a carosel ride. Do what is best for you and your children. I made a choice that cost me a lot. I have got a better marriage now but it will take time to get back in good gracies with my daughter. Everyone tells it takes time and I am willing to wait.
Good Luck. Cathy56

Welcome to the forum, cathy.

Things sound like they might have hit bottom and are slowly improving for you and your husband. It might take awhile for you to fully forgive him for all he has put you through, but the possibility of that happening is there. And I visualize bad situations that are improving like this: The top is a nice, warm sunny day...the bottom is at the bottom of a big, muddy, smelly hole. You are ascending from the bottom, the worst...but not far enough for the situation to look very good...it's still mucky and unpleasant. If you keep going, it will start to look better...alot of times without you noticing the gradual change, until the first beam of sunlight hits you.

Not sure how helpful this will be, as I have never been through a similar situation for such an extended period.

I hope you figure out what your best course of action is, and feel better soon.



<font color=purple>Pain can indeed be a beautiful thing</font color=purple>

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Caution: it contains copious profanity

Appreciated the advice from you. I take each day as it comes now and improvement is on its way. I think of all that I have been thorough and think of my son and I get strength from that too. Life is short to think of all the bad in the past and I look forward to the birth of our granddaughter soon. It helps to express my thoughts this way. I do have a couples diaries from the past which I am going to get rid of because my life is better now. No one in my family knows how I feel and if I ever actually had a conversation . My family is great but they have their own families. I grew up where the baby boomers stayed married and when I was in school I want no career except to get married,.. I do have a degree and did go to college but I always dated the wrong guy according to my parents. But my marriage did turn out ok now. My spouse did change too and he is welcomed in my family as of last 10 yrs. I always had issues with my Mother,she being domaining one. My Dad was so soft hearted and great. But I wish to say thank for all your help in letting me go on and on. I like this site.
Cathy56