[sparta21]

Hi. I'm new to this forum. I find it ironic that for the 1st 20 some years of my life I was abused physically and emotionally and now carry on the abuse by having horrendous self esteem. My step-father and mother repeatedly told me I was rotten to the core, unlovable, and worthless. I've internalized this and hear these voices screaming at me all day. I've done horrible things to myself and socially isolate because the feelings are much more intense in any social situation. I've found a therapist who is wonderful and have been with her one year. I've had awful experiences with psyciatrists and meds. Anti depressants are like ingesting rat poison for me. I love benzos because they drown the pain, but I will abuse them if I have them. I have no faith in psyche drugs at all. I've had to fight with therapists and docs to get them to understand that my issues are from years of systematic abuse and not a friggin' "inherent neurotransmitter imbalance". What's inherent is that humans who are tortured develop serious problems. Anyway, sorry for the ramble. It has helped me that finally after 20 years of seeking help, I've found a person who is aware of Chronic PTSD and its symptoms. I hope there will be help from this awful pain soon. Thanks everyone for reading my rant.

Welcome to PC...

I am glad that you have a good T, that makes a big difference in my opinion...

Hi sparta and Welcome!

I'm also glad for you that you've found a good T. and if going without meds works for you-- I think that is awesome. You won't ever have to worry about side-effects. My former T.-- a psychologist, has very similar thinking as yours.

I relate to "Chronic PTSD" , and I do hope for you that you will get help from your pain.

here's a website with articles about different struggles due to PTSD--- I frequent it, as it has so much of me in the articles-- helps me to understand myself better. -- when you get to the homepage-- click on "articles".... hope you find it helpful.
PTSD- - help

mandy

[sparta21]

Thanks folks. Your words are comforting.

Sparta, I'm so sorry you had to deal with so much abuse in your life. I hope you find a safe place to be here at psychcentral. *hugs* welcome