so regarding a comment i made in another post in this section, I thought i'd start a thread.. how many people here feel that, actually, they would have had better lives if they were adopted by other families?

(I know this is how I feel)

I can see how it might have been better in someways. My parents had their own problems when I was growing up...there was violence and some other stuff I prefer not to go into. At the end of the day though, my mother loves me with all she has. She's stood by my side while my world crashed around me several times. She's loved me enough for both of us when I couldn't love myself. My dad did some terrible things to me (nothing sexual) and so my relationship is strained. Still, I wouldn't want another father. I love my parent deeply, despite their flaws....and in return, they love me with all of my flaws. I wish my parents hadn't been screwed up by their family....that could have improved things for everyone.

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I can see how it might have been better in someways. My parents had their own problems when I was growing up...there was violence and some other stuff I prefer not to go into. At the end of the day though, my mother loves me with all she has. She's stood by my side while my world crashed around me several times. She's loved me enough for both of us when I couldn't love myself. My dad did some terrible things to me (nothing sexual) and so my relationship is strained. Still, I wouldn't want another father. I love my parent deeply, despite their flaws....and in return, they love me with all of my flaws. I wish my parents hadn't been screwed up by their family....that could have improved things for everyone.

this was a touching post to read. I am glad your parents love you

also a sad post, I wish mine loved me.

I wish i knew how it felt to be wanted and loved

[88Butterfly88]

I wasn't abused or neglected by family members so it would make no difference for me. I was abused at preschool and my parents had no way of knowing.

[MtnTime2896]

I've been told repeatedly by the few who know what happened, that I should've been taken by the state and put into a good home. Considering how screwed up our agency is in this state, it'd have to be an even more ****ed up situation for me to ever actually recommend it. Your mother has to be an on the streets junky ***** who shoots up in front of you, you don't eat regularly, can't attend school and you're dirty as hell. Okay, maybe it wouldn't have to get to that extreme or another that equals the trauma. My point is that our system is really corrupt and barely functioning here, and it's an improvement compared to when I was a child.
I believe that my dad could love me in his own way, but I have yet to understand how he would. My mom and I's relationship has dramatically improved from earlier childhood and adolescents. To be honest, all of the chaos of my upbringing has left me pretty messed up. My mom wants to fix it. My dad doesn't see the problem; I guess forcing sleep deprivation on your kid, forcing them out of the house during the coldest night since the fifties, constantly describing in detail how that child is "retarded" while comparing said child to an addict older sister, blaming that child for not parenting their younger sister, and all in all emotional and psychological abuse isn't a problem. Yeah, my mom hit me pretty good until I was twelve and yeah, it hurt. The truth is, I would've taken a beating over the **** my dad did. Not only that, my mom got help and worked her *** off to get better.
Maybe I would've been better off in the system but I doubt it, in this state. I wouldn't trust **** here. Child abuse is just another part of life here. It took a kid getting raped, dismembered and murdered on her birthday by three adults in charge; including her mother; for society to give a damn here. I've lost a lot of faith in people.

[Luce]

Hmmm. We were adopted.

Possible trigger:

By a pedophile. He needed a girl-child to diversify his options. His 'wife' was in no emotional or mental state to provide protection from either him or the family members waiting in the wings for their 'slice of pie'.

Foster care was a little better. Not much.

So there's that perspective.
Adoption isn't something I'd personally recommend.

I think, when people want to abuse children, they just abuse whoever is on hand.
And that people know where to find children who are vulnerable, and seek them out.

[Luce]

Dude. I didn't mean to kill the conversation. Sorry.

[Unrigged64072835]

I don't know if adoption would've been any better. It's pretty much a crap shoot as to what kind of parents you would get. I was going to be adopted by my aunt when my parents thought about divorcing. Turns out her husband at the time physically abused her and his kids. So I guess I dodged that bullet.