[AlittleUnsteady]

I grew up raising myself. My parents were divorced by the time I was 2, and I was often put in the middle. Both of my parents tried convincing me how bad the other was. My mother neglected me. Leaving me alone over night with no food. I'd have to nag her to go to the grocery store, which would make her yell at me of coarse. My father was sexually abusing me and my older brother was physically abusing me. The people that were supposed to take care of me and love me, abandoned and abused me. Needless to say, I had to grow up fast. I spent all of my childhood wishing to grow up so that I could get away from my family. Now I am 28, and I feel like the last 10 years disappeared. I spent those years trying to stay alive. Today I told My therapist that I feel like a girl, not a woman. I don't know why, but I cringe when people call me a woman. I feel mentally stuck as a girl. I judge myself for this. People would not understand if they knew. I don't understand why I feel this way, but it doesn't seem right. Does anyone else feel this way? Is it because of the abuse? I just want to understand.

[MtnTime2896]

Yeah, I feel very much like a child, no matter what age I reach. I had to grow up pretty fast to make sure my little brother didn't deal with what I had to. If I didn't take care of him, he wouldn't have ever gotten to eat, take a shower or be tucked in at night. When there was alcohol involved I'd lock us in a room with his toys and we'd play together while a radio was playing in an effort to drown out my parents. When they divorced, all of the responsibility fell on me pretty hard. I took cooking classes and learned on youtube so that I could give him a normal dinner. I would gamble during lunch to get extra food that I wouldn't eat; I'd stuff it in my backpack and take it home for him. I helped him with homework once he got to that age and would get him ready for school and also walk him to the bus every morning.
Yeah, I was physically abused when until I reached twelve. Then it was all psychological, emotional and verbal abuse (I usually just fit that those in one category because there's not too much of a difference) and neglect. As I got older, I wasn't allowed to do any special after school events, I had to quit basketball and a lot of other things. It became really easy to let my homework slide because I was so overwhelmed. To this day, I don't feel like I "developed" like other kids did. I skipped my childhood and became an adult so that's what I presume feeling like a child is like, for me. It's easy to feel like a child as an adult, especially when you were an adult throughout your childhood.
I know very much what you mean and I'm sorry you had to experience that.

[PumpkinPieHead]

The things you feel are absolutely valid, unsteady.

When people are abused, they "get stuck" at the age the abuse was inflicted. My entire childhood was nothing but abuse, as was yours. The reason we feel this way is because we didn't get to experience a childhood. I think I started preparing meals for my family at 12.

One of the best thing I ever read in one of my self-help books is to sit down and draw pictures of the thing you wished you could have done as a kid if you could have. I haven't done this yet, but I did another exercise where I wrote down all the things I resented about the way I was raised, addressed to everyone in my family. There were a lot of pages of that! It was very cathartic.

[Unrigged64072835]

Your feelings are valid. I also had to grow up at an early age. Both of my parents worked and my brother and I were left to fend for ourselves most of the time. We were physically and emotionally abused if we didn't do something right, which apparently was often. I still feel like I'm five years old at times.

[Ankh91]

I too feel very much like you, a 25 year old child.