[PumpkinPieHead]

Is disowning your family going too far? Under any circumstances?

I've tried everything to cultivate a healthy relationship with them, to no avail. In fact, I think it is getting worse. My therapist tells me I can distance myself but I want to disown them.

I'm relatively young and I have found someone who is interested in adopting me. I would be, by law, not a member of my biological family anymore. The very thought empowers me, guys. But is it too far?

I plan to discuss this little plan I've hatched with my T at my next visit but it is a huge choice and I wish to hear from y'all also.

[MtnTime2896]

How old are you?

The reason I ask, is if you're already seventeen, the process to "divorce" your parents is a very long one and you might already be eighteen by the time it's done; at least in my state (by the way, hi neighboring state resident).
Whether it's going too far or not really depends on how you view it. I can put my perspective in but you're going to be the one who knows what's best for you. I was told to go this route by a teacher, a counselor, another parent and several friends. I never did. I don't know why; it could've saved me a lot of heartbreak, could've caused some too.
If your current situation is really taxing on your health, then I can't tell you not to go for it. What's best for you, is best for you and should be your priority.

I agree with the above poster. In some situations it's advisable to go "no contact" with relatives. If the relationships are salvageable then it's usually in ones best interest to try and salvage them but in some cases it's just not possible. How old are you and who plans to adopt you? You don't have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable.

[PumpkinPieHead]

I am in my 20's, So leigheas.

ElsaMars, I actually found someone online who is interested. We've been chatting for close to a month now, but it's really clicking. I am doing everything possible to keep myself safe until I feel they are completely trustworthy. I know the internet is ridden with Wa-hoos.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by PumpkinPieHead

I am in my 20's, So leigheas.

ElsaMars, I actually found someone online who is interested. We've been chatting for close to a month now, but it's really clicking. I am doing everything possible to keep myself safe until I feel they are completely trustworthy. I know the internet is ridden with Wa-hoos.

Alright. Go for it then when you feel it's the right time and the right move.

[Unrigged64072835]

It would be best to go no contact if you're willing to. I did with my parents when I went into the military.

[Ankh91]

I don't want to put you off anything, but I've been in a similar situation that didn't work out the way I hoped.

My mum disowned me and there was a teacher who bought me gifts and promised to adopt me. I met her husband, we went out for meals and coffee, they bought me birthday and Christmas presents. She cared for me and basically took on the maternal role. I left home, was disowned by my mother and shortly after the teacher disappeared. She changed her number and literally disappeared out of my life. It broke my heart, and to this day I don't know why she stopped being a part of my life.

I'm not trying to put you off, just please be careful. I'm 25 now and I've never let anyone get that lose to me since. Especially maternal figures. I hope your situation works out completely differently to mine.

[PumpkinPieHead]

That is just cruel Ankh. I'm so sorry that happened.

Maybe she changed her mind and decided to ghost you instead of discussing it with you. Balogna

[Ankh91]

Originally Posted by PumpkinPieHead

That is just cruel Ankh. I'm so sorry that happened.

Maybe she changed her mind and decided to ghost you instead of discussing it with you. Balogna

I've reached out a couple of times via Facebook and been ignored there too. It left me wondering what the hell I did wrong.
I honestly hope other works out for you, my mother neglected me and I must admit there's an emptiness inside that I sometimes wish someone would fill, a maternal figure, someone to love me, (although now that's probably never going to happen for me).

I truly hope it works out for you my

[PumpkinPieHead]

I want you to let go of the idea that you did anything wrong. You didn't.

[Ankh91]

I don't recall doing or saying anything but when something goes wrong I'm usually to blame.

I'll get there.

[amandalouise]

pumpkinhead...you posted you are 20 and you have found someone online that you met only a couple months ago that is telling you they will adopt you....

this raises huge red flags (danger danger danger...)

for one thing a 20 year old person is beyond the age of adoption. here in america (your profile says you are in tx (texas) in order to be adopted a child must be under the age of 18.

another thing here in america once a child reaches the age of 18 they are free to leave their parents home and live all on their own. they dont even have to have contact with their parents or anyone else that they dont have to. since you are well past your 18th birthday you do not need to make any elaborate plans for adoption to leave your parents and your parents home.

beware of what and who you find on the internet. anyone who tells you on the internet after only a few months that they will adopt you.. well how can I put this... usually it means they want you to join something dangerous or illegal. they prey on people who do not realize this.

my suggestion is talk with your treatment provider they will help you learn how to find your own apartment, sign up for adult services so that you can live on your own with out your parents if you are over 18.

now if this is a situation where even though you are over 18 a court said your parents are your legal guardian kind of thing then the process is you will need to go to court and show that you are now able to live on your own making appropriate self care decisions. if its decided in court that you still can not live on your own you can ask the court to appoint someone else to be your legal guardian. it may mean you go into a residential program if you have no other relatives or long time friends that will take care of you. your treatment providers can help you with this also.

[nicoleflynn]

Knowing the difference between OUR stuff and THEIR stuff....is the key.

[PumpkinPieHead]

AmandaLouise, thankyou for your reply.

First of all, I am 27. Not 20.

Second of all, adult adoption is definitely a thing.

Third of all, I do live on my own, but thankyou for the resources.

I appreciate your concern, and my therapist echoed many of the same concerns. I am being very safe and very skeptical.

Nicole Flynn, what do you mean by OUR stuff and THEIR stuff. Thanks for the reply!