From one abuser to the next

xenko · Dec 03, 2016 at 07:17 AM

Is there any way to avoid attracting abusers? I mean going from one abuser to the next and the next and the next. It seems there are so many out there that it's impossible to find a good person anymore.

Physical abuse is obvious but emotional abuse is not easily detected. I was even drawn to an emotionally abusive therapist!!

I am surrounded by emotionally abusive people who get their kicks out of demeaning and/or trying to CONTROL me. Some even claim they want to CONTROL ME FOR MY OWN GOOD!! Who do these people think they are?? I assure you they are not heaven sent.

It seems hopeless.

nicoleflynn · Dec 03, 2016 at 08:01 AM

I don't believe anyone attracts abusers; it is just that there are so many on the planet.

xenko · Dec 03, 2016 at 11:31 AM

^

Thanks Nicoleflynn. I had no idea.

Dec 03, 2016 at 01:15 PM

There is a lot of dysfunction passed from one generation to the next. I have had some BERY bad luck and met more than my fair share of abusers. Years ago I was told that the first person I was attracted to in a room was probably the worst person for me. I began dating what I thought were different kind of men but the results were often similar. Most women I've talked to have been subjected to abuse at the hands of someone. Most men have met some female who harmed them. The world is just filled with sick people who keep passing down dysfunction they learned from a previous generation and very few people ever receive help for it. Most people need some form of therapy to work at least a few things out....but it creates stigma so nobody gets the help they need and just infects a new generation.

(((Hugs))). I'm sorry you have been put through this and met so many abusive people.

xenko · Dec 09, 2016 at 02:06 AM

Just thinking how it's funny that liars don't like to be lied to, isn't it?

Abusers are also liars.

BLUEDOVE · Dec 10, 2016 at 07:02 PM

And they all suffer insecurity.

Ananada · Dec 11, 2016 at 09:23 PM

I agree that it's not your fault if an abusers targets you. But seeing the point that there are so many out there, I'm also struggling with this. I wonder how to know if your next partner isn't abusive as well. I know there's list with warning signs, but I find it hard to judge as people often seem nice in the beginning.

xenko · Dec 12, 2016 at 06:26 AM

My T gave the impression of being this wonderful, caring, man. Meanwhile he was conspiring against me behind my back. He does this routinely with other people as well. I don't know how or why anyone would ever trust him with personal information. He writes about his clients on the internet. He publicizes their tragedies. He has no conscience and no moral standards yet he praises himself. Something should be done.

Quarter life · Dec 12, 2016 at 03:35 PM

Although physical, mental and psychological abuse is unforgivable...I do believe that we teach others how to treat us when we remain silent. I have also learnt that 'saying' sorry and 'being' sorry are very different.

I now understand that I can’t wait around for others to tolerate, validate, laud or honour me...I must do that for myself. The worst choice we can make is waiting for others to choose for us, or waiting for permission to choose, as we may spend our lives choosing nothing at all.

I now choose to put myself first, anyone disrespects or minimises my efforts to be in (and thrive) in the world, will very quickly be shut out of my life.

xenko · Dec 17, 2016 at 04:14 AM

I wish I had help to fight the abusers. It's taking its toll on me.

xenko · Dec 18, 2016 at 09:34 AM

I pray the abusers in my life get the justice they deserve. 10 years in prison seems appropriate to me.

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From one abuser to the next

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nicoleflynn Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2012 Location: rochester, michigan Posts: 3,111 12 60 hugs given	Dec 03, 2016 at 08:01 AM #2 I don't believe anyone attracts abusers; it is just that there are so many on the planet.
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xenko Account Suspended Member Since Nov 2016 Location: NE Posts: 223 7 80 hugs given	Dec 03, 2016 at 11:31 AM #3 ^ Thanks Nicoleflynn. I had no idea.
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xenko Account Suspended Member Since Nov 2016 Location: NE Posts: 223 7 80 hugs given	Dec 09, 2016 at 02:06 AM #5 Just thinking how it's funny that liars don't like to be lied to, isn't it? Abusers are also liars.
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BLUEDOVE Grand Member Member Since Nov 2011 Posts: 794 12 898 hugs given	Dec 10, 2016 at 07:02 PM #6 And they all suffer insecurity.
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Ananada Junior Member Member Since Dec 2016 Location: Australia Posts: 15 7 4 hugs given	Dec 11, 2016 at 09:23 PM #7 I agree that it's not your fault if an abusers targets you. But seeing the point that there are so many out there, I'm also struggling with this. I wonder how to know if your next partner isn't abusive as well. I know there's list with warning signs, but I find it hard to judge as people often seem nice in the beginning.
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xenko Account Suspended Member Since Nov 2016 Location: NE Posts: 223 7 80 hugs given	Dec 17, 2016 at 04:14 AM #10 I wish I had help to fight the abusers. It's taking its toll on me.
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xenko Account Suspended Member Since Nov 2016 Location: NE Posts: 223 7 80 hugs given	Dec 18, 2016 at 09:34 AM #11 I pray the abusers in my life get the justice they deserve. 10 years in prison seems appropriate to me.
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