[heyitme]

My sister has hit me every day of my life from the first day I can remember. When I was 12 I remember her hitting me repeatedly with a giant textbook in front of one of my friends because it was raining and I spun in a circle and water off my jacket hit her (not anything specific or like ruining anything but simply because I "splashed" her). She has punched me, pulled my hair out, and punches and pokes, but never leaves lasting scars (less than 2 years at most). She threatens to kill me once every day and even though I know they're empty threats, I still find myself fearing for my life sometimes. Every day I spend the majority of the day convincing myself that things aren't so bad and when her "outburst" hits, I am reminded how much I hate living here. My parents act as if nothing is happening and when they act like it is happening it's worse because my sister will threaten them and storm off and neglect everything. I do everything for her; chores, organization, even homework sometimes. She refuses to allow me to have friends that don't like her, even though she has no friends (maybe 1???) and is trying to make me the same way. She is rather manipulative and will make me do things I don't want to for her amusement. I know this sounds abusive and it may very well be, but on a day to day basis there's only one or two times a day I am truly upset about it and I rarely find myself in a state of true suffering. Is this abuse?

[Skeezyks]

Hello heyitme: Well... the short answer here is yes. This certainly qualifies as abuse in my book. I'm no expert with regard to this sort of thing. But personally I think prolonged low-level abuse, such as this, can be just as damaging as more severe abuse sustained over a short period of time. And beyond that, it really doesn't matter how severe the abuse is, or for how long it continues. If it is disturbing to you (& why wouldn't this be) that's all that really matters. I don't know what your options might be here. But this really needs to stop before it begins to have a lasting effect on you.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Ananada]

Yes, it's abuse. Abuse doesn't have to be constant to qualify as abuse. In fact, most abusers will switch between being bad and good to create something called trauma bonding. It's all part of the abuse, or the cycle of violence (worth looking that up maybe?).
It sounds as if your sister has very low self esteem. Bullies are people who have low self esteem and make themselves feel better by making other people feel bad.
She needs professional help, but it's unlikely she'll admit that anything is wrong with her.
If she is still a minor, your parents can make her go.
It's terrible that your parents aren't dealing with this for you. They should. You shouldn't be suffering every day.
They would probably benefit from some help also and you as well

I had a traumatic childhood and thought at the time that it wasn't abuse because my mother wasn't hitting me every day. As an adult I found out that it was and it has affected me in many bad ways. For example I married an abusive man, never thought that would happen. And I failed my studies due to a nervous breakdown, even though I did well in school. It's because I hadn't dealt with my trauma yet.

I only wish that I had gotten help when I was younger, so that it didn't come back to bite me later. So I really wish that for you. A psychologist could really help you make sense of all of this and make sure that you're not too badly affected. Make sure you find someone you like though, because some will fit you better than others and it needs to be someone you can trust. Going to a psychologist doesn't mean your crazy at all.
I've been in treatment a few years now and it has helped me tremendously with the effects that the 'crazy' people have had on my life.

If this isn't possible for you now, know that there's a wealth of info online. Just google characteristics of abuse and go from there.

Lastly, this will end. You are not going to live with your sister forever. It might seem like forever, but a few years is nothing in a whole life. You will get out of this and you, being the healthy one, will have so much more chance of succeeding in life and creating happiness than your sister.
It's up to your sister to change. If she doesn't and you do move out when you are old enough, go no contact until she changes for real.
It might seem harsh, but it's to keep you safe.

In the meantime, don't let her isolate you! It's one of the tactics of an abuser (they all follow a similar recipe). Try to create as many activities/friends/times separate from her. Put a password on your phone etc. Don't give her anything, because she will try to use anything against you.

Good luck and feel free to ask me anything

[PumpkinPieHead]

Hi, heyitme! Welcome!
Your sister is abusive and you're in good company, we have several users who can attest to sibling abuse. I recommend the women's shelter!

[nicoleflynn]

If you are in school, you can talk to a guidance counselor, or nurse. I lived with an abusive mother; so I understand.

You need to talk to someone; this could result in your death. You can contact a social worker at a hospital, or if you can, find a therapist.

you do NOT know that these are "empty threats"----PLEASE get help; this is a very dangerous situation; when we are IN an abusive situation, we can't see how bad it is....it is kind of a protective measure we have. She is full of anger and rage and one day she might put you in the hospital or kill you; please take this seriously. You fear for your life; that is a sign you need to DO something before it is too late. xo

Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
Do this when no one is listening...they will be angry and force you to hang up.

[Unrigged64072835]

Yes, that is definitely abuse.