[MtnTime2896]

"You can still hear your dad's voice in your head, can't you? Clear as a bell." -Supernatural, 3x10 'Dream A Little Dream Of Me'.

Except, it's not just in my head, is it? I still take the phone calls and I still don't hang up. I still go out to family events and I still say, "I love you." I still return a hug. Do I really have an excuse to complain? Should I really come on this site and write about all of the crap that's happened to me when I still let it happen? How do I have the right to complain about this if I'm not even trying to stop it? More over, why the hell do I still allow this treatment to happen? Am I so desolate in this void that I allow it to be filled with this rage and guilt?

I'm no better than someone who's starving saying they don't like eggs when offered. I have a way out. I can leave it all, any time. I'm not trapped in it. Yet, I don't, and the put-downs, the irrational rage, the toxicity; it all just keeps on coming. I don't think I'm going to post about any of it, anymore. I don't have the right, considering I obviously won't even consider getting myself out of it all. So much for wanting to save the world; I can't even save myself.

[Skeezyks]

Well... I did leave it all behind, many years ago. I still sometimes wonder if it was the right thing to do. But it's so far in the past now, it no longer matters one way or the other. I don't post my own Threads about any of it. There's no point. There's nothing anyone could say about any of it that would make any difference. It all just is what it is. Personally, I have no illusions about saving the world. I no longer even imagine there is any purpose served in one's trying to save oneself. However... I hope you find the inner strength to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.

[PumpkinPieHead]

You're in the same spot I was, wondering if cutting all ties was the right decision. So far, I believe it has been the right one for me.

[Luce]

Hey. It's okay. What you are doing is actually one possibility of 'normal' under those exact circumstances. It's part of the normal response to trauma. It falls under the range of normal / expected / and psychologically explained behaviors of trauma bonds when trauma is perpetrated by primary care givers.
You are okay. You are not the only one.
And the reason you are still there is because for some part or parts of you there isn't a way out...

... yet.

[nicoleflynn]

I like a letter of restorative justice.....that says/means...this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. You can give it to the abuser or keep it. I think it is a way of taking back the power you didn't have as a child......one person CAN make a difference in the world.