[0321_00]

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 9 months that really affected my health, but im happier and better now that im out of it. All of my friends are supportive of me, and today one friend called something that happened to me sexual abuse. I'm kind of confused because i know what my ex did was wrong but i never considered it sexual abuse. Basically, me and him would go to church and go into an empty room during the sermon and do sexual things, nut never actually have sex. I started to feel really wrong about that because i was being disrespectful to the church by doing that. So i started to tell him I didnt want to do things like that anymore and he would get mad at me or act coldly towards me, when I said i'd rather go into the sermon he would make me feel like I was wrong for not wanted to do things to him. When id tell him no he would say things like "do you not love me anymore?" or "but you have to return the favor since I did things to you", and there were situations where i'd say I want to stop and he'd make me feel bad for it and urge me to keep going. He knew how much I loved him and was emotionally attached to him and he made me feel like it was wrong that I felt this way. I did finally stand up to him and say no eventually. I didnt even realize what he did was wrong until after we broke up but I never thought of it as sexual abuse. I've always figured it was just part of the emotional abuse, what are your thoughts?

[Skeezyks]

Hello 0321_00: I don't know whether or not this qualifies as sexual abuse. I don't know if there is really a clear definition of what does or does not qualify. Perhaps it might also be viewed as emotional abuse. The important thing, from my perspective, is that it is something that happened to you that is troubling for you.

Researchers who study the human brain tell us that much more of who we are, & what we do, is controlled by areas of the brain to which we have no conscious access than we would typically imagine. So, from that perspective, although you may feel consciously that you've moved pat this, aspects of it may linger in those non-conscious areas of your brain... causing you ongoing difficulty. If you find that something of that sort seems to be occurring, then talking it through with a therapist may be the way to go. From what you wrote, it sounds as though this is behind you now. This is a good thing.