[MtnTime2896]

Potentially Triggering

What happened, what you did, it will never just go away. It's there. It's here, in my mind, always. The worst part, I can't even remember all of it. I can remember bruises on my body for a few days. I can remember cleaning blood. I can remember holding a blade to my throat wanting all these words to end. It was more than just you three, but you three did damage no others could ever match. Damage that split me. Split me into pieces that I can barely understand. Pieces that are a mix of mayhem and serenity.

What you did. What's happened to me, there's no excuse. Not for you. With all the knowledge of what your actions were doing, you didn't stop. When I begged, you only increased and intensified your torment. Later, I was made to believe I was simply too "sensitive". Too many emotions and not enough mental fortitude. And today, I feel as though I am nothing. I feel as though my punishments today are too delicate. For I deserve pain, in the most sadistic, cruel and creative ways.

Those weeks of not sleeping, against my will. That board hitting my spinal column hard enough and so many times, my spine has seen the damage equivalent to ten years of sports and three car wrecks. And you, you know who you are; the one who took something from me. The one who decided to take what he wanted, knowing full well he'd get away with it. The one I dream about and wake up in a cold sweat. The one who, if I focus too much, I dissociate and can't remember why I'm crying in the middle of a road I didn't know existed. The one who hit the nail on the head to confirm that I am truly filthy, no good and deserve nothing.

WHAT THE **** DID I DO?!