I don't know if this is the right category, but I hate my parents.

Not like "Oh I hate my parents soo much they won't let me do something" kind of hate, I really hate them for how they've treated me and how they treat me now.

I don't want to talk a lot about it here but they used to hit me, (I stay away from home for most of the day these days so it's been a while), they swear at me and say things that seriously hurt me and degrade my self-esteem.

Then they act like it's nothing, like they did nothing wrong. My mom, for instance, says "I'm sorry and I love you" a while after she hits me or says things to me. I used to fall for it and hug her back, but this has repeated countless times and I don't want to forgive her anymore. So I just stayed silent after she said that; then she got mad all over again and screamed at me even worse.

I also hate how they laugh off things like hitting me or fighting. I hurt at those kinds of things and it triggers my anxiety, i have panic attacks after they fight or abuse me but they just talk about it afterwards laughing. Like, they'd go "You'd better stop doing that or it'll end up like last time" and they just laugh about it, like "Remember that time, didn't you learn your lesson?"

It's hard to translate this all into english (my family is korean, I'm korean, im just bilingual) but it makes me feel like it IS a matter to laugh about and I'm just weak for crying and hurting over it.

Even when everyone is supposed to be happy they make me feel like ****. I'm trying to talk to them seriously but my parents just keep laughing at me. My nervous reaction is laughing, so I can't help laughing along but it's a kind of hysteria. Then they make fun of me and it's just hard to take.

I know my parents have problems of their own, i think my dad has anger problems/panic and my mom has anxiety, stuff like that. But they don't even seem to think of the possibility that they might be making ME go through the same things, they're just too caught up in their problems. There's a limit to where you can say sorry.

I feel like I'm selfish but when I'm older I just want to cut all contacts with them and go do whatever I want, whatever makes me happy.

[Jo1994]

<3 please look up gas lighting. You are not alone and I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

[Shazerac]

You are not selfish at all. It's perfectly normal to hate someone who abuses you, even when it is your own parents.