Spiteful aunts and divorced parents - Is what Im feeling normal?

Hey guys. New here.

Im going to try keep this short. Im 26, male. My parents were always fighting when I was a kid growing up. They eventually divorced when I was 12 (never told why up until 4 years ago). Dad moved out the country but keeps in touch, visits regularly and is friendly with my mum despite the chaos they went through in the divorce, obviously for our sake (their kids).

My aunts were weird to me as a kid. I always had a genuine love for them but the more time went on I realized they were cruel when no one else was around.

For example, when I was 8 years old I was playing on my own in a room when I remembered both my aunts walking in. They looked at me and said "You know what?" I asked what, and they replied "When you were babies you looked like SUCH a retard", then laughed and walked out. I was a VERY quiet kid due to being brought up in a house ruled with fear so I would never talk back but in my mind I knew it was wrong what they were doing because it made me feel so small and worthless. I just couldnt understand why family would do this and what I had done to deserve it so I just attempted to ignore it.

When my parents divorced is when I truly realized my aunts' pettiness and lost my respect and love for them. I was just lost in the middle of it all, waking up one morning hearing my parents are divorcing, not knowing why they divorcing the whole time, and dealing with the emotional rollercoasters. My aunts had their claws out for my mum. I was lost in one of those situations of being with both parents separately and hearing them bad mouth each other. I genuinely felt hurt and lost inside.

Back then we had MSN messenger and I would talk to my cousin on it, one of those aunts' kids. One day when i was 12 the year they divorced I got a message from my cousin but the way she was writing and the subject she was trying to get me to talk on made me believe it wasnt her for a fact. She was trying to ask me personal things about my mum so i just ignored it.

Few days later I get texts from my aunts convincing me that I should go live with them and that I dont need my mother. That pissed me off but i didnt react to it.

Couple weeks later after both sides of the family are feuding even more, I get a call from one of my aunts. She sounded very sincere asking me if im ok, and that it must be tough having divorced parents. She asked if i wanted to go round to hers to watch a movie together with my brother and sister to make us feel better. It was like a small glimmer of hope.

We arrived at the house and they had set up the TV for a movie and told us to get comfortable. We sat down on the sofa. Sitting ontop of the very middle of the television my aunts had placed an old photo of my dad in a frame, with my mum torn out of the photo, so it was literally half a torn photo sitting in a frame. I was so upset and angry by their actions but being the quiet kid i just bottled it all up inside.

As I grew much older I let those things slide. I told myself the whole family was going thru chaos, both sides were just overly emotional and now its in the past, mum and dad are maintaining a friendly relation now, so brush off all those negative feelings and move forward, and the aunts must also have moved on and forgotten about it.

Im 22. I go to visit my dad abroad (where my aunts also now live) instead of him coming to see me. My dad tells me one day hes inviting the aunts round for lunch with the cousins. I had no problem since i love my cousins. As im playing with my youngest cousin who was 7 at the time, he randomly stops and says to me "You know, my mum told me you and your brother are losers ". In my head I was thinking what a ****. I was just so shocked, shes STILL badmouthing me behind closed doors but acting all friendly infront of me? Also, shes telling it to her SEVEN YEAR OLD son?

Another time when they all traveled abroad about 2 years after that, I went to visit and my little cousin again said to me "Wow my mum told me you guys are losers you really are losers " who is 9 at this point. I really couldnt care what shes saying about me, Its the PRINCIPLE. Domt act all caring and friendly to my face but then go and talk crap about me to your kids.

Another incident, the same cousin misheard me say something when i was 24 as we all had lunch round the table and he said "WHAT did you just say about grandpa?!" When i hadnt mentioned him. I said I didnt say anything and he said "Yes you diddddd. You said something bad about grandpa because your mum shouted at him before ". At this point I was just thinking... so this little kid knows more about my parents divorce than I do?? All signs pointing to my aunts running their mouths.

So my issue is, i dont have any genuine feelings to see my aunts, but to my dad its a MUST as his insecurity is if the family doesnt stay together. I actually hate my aunts. Im at an age now where im just fed up of putting on a fake smile when i see them. My dad is visiting tomorrow which means im going to have to spend nearly every day with them for 2 weeks. To me that sounds like hell. I just dont want anything to do with my aunts at the same time i dont want to make it another big family deal where my dad gets overly concerned etc... am i justified in feeling like this?

I think of my aunt on my mums side and i have just genuine feelings of love likr i genuinely want to see her but wyen i think of my aunts on my dads side its like i cringe with anger...

Also....As i get older I slowly start to notice my grandfather, a man who was always so full of unconditional love, suddenly turn cold when I would visit him. For example he would start saying things like "You only see me for money" or if i would visit him for 3 hours he would say "You just got here an hour ago!" or sometimes I would visit he would get up and leave the house. I remember thinking whats gotten into him? My only guess has to be that my aunts are badmouthing me to him putting these ideas in his head that we dont love him. For example, last week I had the flu and my brother sister and mum went to visit my grandpa but I didnt go because I didnt want to get him sick. He then grilled my brother about why i wasnt there and thought i was lying about my flu and that i just didnt want to see him so he called my eldest brother who wasnt there to make sure i wasnt lying.. to me that is just so out of my grandpas usual character... what reason does he have to believe im lying to avoid visiting him? My guess is my aunts.

Thanks for reading

Hello Korok: I'm sorry you are dealing with such frustrating family issues. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Has your grandpa been tested for dementia?