so in another forum, we've been talking about sending a letter to my mom while she's still alive, as I don't want it to be too late and not get the chance to say to her things I want to say (it happened to my grandad, and I won't let it happen again)

have any of you done this, written a letter to your abusive parent?

I honestly wouldn't know what to say to her

I mean give me paper and a pen right now, and i'd write an abusive message to her myself- really horrible.

she knows what she's done, she knows their's a reason we've not spoken in 12 years, she knows full well the injuries she' caused me

but how do you sit their and write a letter to someone like that, without actually speaking badly about her?

the people in the other forum are right, she won't be around forever, I should at least try and say some.. dare I say it, nice things?

but I don't know. I don't think I have anything nice to say

who here has experience

Writing a letter to your abuser is very healthy.

The benefit of writing the letter is to be able to express and vent all of your feelings and thoughts about how the abuse has impacted your life.

If you do send her the letter via email, don't expect her to respond; and don't expect any response to be full of regret, remorse, or show any reflection on her part. Narcissists don't reflect; they deflect.

If you don't send her the letter, you can keep it in a saved folder to reread anytime you need a reminder of how you felt. Or, you can just delete it after you write it and process the thoughts and feelings that resulted from the letter.

Most abusers don't feel remorse about their abuse. Or, if they claim to feel remorseful, most of the time its a smokescreen; a total lie. Abusers rarely reform or change. At least that's been my experience.

[TrailRunner14]

A part of me came forward with a letter of forgiveness. My counselor had asked me to write one a few months earlier and I could not do it. This part wrote it for me.

There is a feeling of freedom in forgiveness.

[nicoleflynn]

It is called a letter of restorative justice...which says...this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. I think it is empowering.

You could say...."I love you"--but it is important to me to express how I feel. Most abusers will deny the abuse, but the letter is for YOU.

I like these posts, guys.
cielpur, your post is very informative, thank you

nicoleflynn, I love your idea about what to say in the letter. If I go ahead and do it, I'll use your advice

hugs to trailrunner too

Psych Central has a post about writing letters to abusers. I can't remember where I found it, but I read through it yesterday. The post mentions having goals when you write your letter, and gives four categories to the type of content that your letter to your abuser (in this case, your mother) should have, to make it effectiive (for you, the letter writer). If I find the link, I will post it here.

https://forums.psychcentral.com/surv...ur-abuser.html

If you scroll down this post, which is an article, you can read the 5 categories that one's letter addressed to their abuser should contain. It serves as an outline for the letter. I found it very informative, very helpful.

I know that should I decide to write my brother or mother a letter, I will use this format for my letters. Definitely. Good luck writing your letter. I hope it helps you to process the abuse you've experienced.

[Unrigged64072835]

I've written letters to both of my abusive parents. They're both dead now, but writing still helps with the feelings.