child of emotionally abusive marriage

Hey guys

Hoping to get some wisdom from other who might've been the victim of emotional abuse or any abuse really...how was it in the early weeks or months of a new relationship?

I'm the child of an emotionally abusive relationship and I'm trying to navigate through my first relationship but I struggle to not feel trapped and suffocated. The emotional abuse from my dad wasn't even directed at me growing up, it was directed at my mum but I seem to have picked up on some annoying and hard to shake anxieties around relationships...

I'm 29 now, and would so like to have my own family. There is an amazing guy in my life, who's been so patient and understanding of my anxieties...which sometimes comes out really nasty...we've been in this limbo of friendship or relationship for over a year. It's only been recently that I've discovered throughout the past year, he's actually not someone I need to be afraid of. He's shown that he is trustworthy and incredibly patient.
So it's not him I'm afraid of, it's relationships. I'm terrified of feeling trapped in a relationship.
I so want to give him my heart, but I can't push myself either.

So I'm wondering, does this anxiety go away over time? Am I doomed to always be afraid of being trapped in a relationship?

It's so unfair that my parents bad marriage has reflected on me. I feel so frustrated with myself. I don't want to be afraid. I want to enjoy this time! A new relationship is suppose to be an exiting joyous time of discovery. Not a little bit of excitement mixed with fear.

Advice from other survivors would be so great!

xx

Hello Blueberry: I'm sorry I'm not really the member you want to hear from with regard to this. But I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! Hopefully some other members who have had similar experiences will also reply to your post. There can be a lot of support available here on PC. The more you post & reply to pther members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other members in real time (once you've had 5 posts reviewed & approved.) Lot's of great stuff. So please keep posting!

I'm sorry you had a difficult, emotionally abusive childhood. I've been there, but I'm still recovering.

Does your friend understand what you've been through? If you think there's a future with him (friendship or otherwise), it might help him to know how to respond if you have an anxiety episode. There are helpful articles here on PsychCentral that may help you find ways to cope, besides providing educational material for your friend.

My doctor wants me to start therapy, so I wonder whether you might consider it for yourself. A licensed professional can teach you ways to cope and give you an impartial listening ear. You're free to vent to your therapist without feeling guilty and without feeling overwhelmed.

I wish you the best.

I'm sorry you went through that. I've been through it too, and it's mucked up relationships before.

Maybe couples therapy would help, so you can learn how to interact with each other and not stress you out.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life......after a 31 year marriage of the same and....physical abuse;I think one of the things you can do is to educate yourself on what abuse is, what it does, etc. Sometimes we tend to marry someone like the abuser (I did that, all unknowingly).....give yourself time, be honest and explain to your friend, etc.......