[AMK64]

So here's the thing. My mother has had pretty severe anxiety and depression since my brother was born. He's had problems his whole life, he was born premature. He is on the autism spectrum but he is very high functioning. He's got ADD and some pretty bad social anxiety. He's got depression as well. So my mom has really spent her whole life trying to fix him and really just kind of ignored my problems in a way. But she did this at the same time she has been a helicopter parent to the point of being abusive, making me feel responsible for her feelings, making everything about her. She's been physically abusive a few times as well. She's truly a huge mess. She's on medication but honestly my therapist and I both know there really is no hope for her to get better/change at this point. Now her over protectiveness and always being around even when she shouldn't be has given me this unhealthy attachment to her. I used to be worse than I am now with it. When I was younger I would flip out anytime she wouldn't answer her phone right away and cry and automatically think she was dead and I would just always think that I would kill myself if she died. She's really messed me up in so many ways. Her personality is repulsive at times and I am terrified and I mean TERRIFIED that I am like her and or will become her. I need advice. How do I get through this? I have to be at home for at least about 6 more months through the summer and the next semester of community college. How do I not be her??

This all sounds so stressful for everyone involved. <<hugs>> Posting here and going to therapy are great steps. Continue to be self reflective and work on yourself. Most of us have things we work on about ourselves our whole lives. Even if you have any of your mother's tendencies, you aren't doomed to follow in her footsteps. You may also be prone to depression and anxiety but knowledge and treatments are improving all the time. If you are determined and put in the work, you can make your life better than hers is.....

[Unrigged64072835]

I wouldn't say my mother was a helicopter parent, but she was really nosy about what I was doing. She wanted to be a friend more than a mother, but I just couldn't do that.

My older brother was "the sick one" (he has a heart defect and has a pacemaker). I wasn't
allowed to be sick. Even though my MI showed up in my teens, it was ignored. It was thought of as a character defect and thus my fault.

Both parents are dead now, and my brother and I don't talk to each other. He wanted to move in with me and I said no. I'm kind of glad I did because I didn't want to end up taking care of him. He mooched off of my parents until they died. He would've mooched off of me if I let him.

[FallenStar123]

Hello I am new here.
I had some issues with my mother too.I still do.I never understood what my mother wants from me.Sometimes I feel that all she wants is a perfect child whom she can display as a trophy.But there is more to it.Ever since my childhood she neglected me.Yes she did give me food and stuff but she was never emotionally involved with me.She was always so detached.I don't remember a single moment when she was affectionate with me.As a child I was very frivolous and I tried to play with her.But she used to get annoyed and irritated.It's as if she didn't want me around.Once she burnt my hand because I wanted to chat with her.However when I used to get poor grades she began to get involved with me.Apparently I was expected to be the best among all the students because she was an overachiever herself.Then the comparisons began.She began comparing me to my friends,classmates and even my cousins.And her words were brutal.
I was 8 years old then.Usually it's easier when one of the parents is supportive.But not in my case.My father used to hit me a lot.Whenever he lost his temper she did not even try to stop him from hitting me.As I grew older,she began to exercise her control over me.She had problems with my dressing style,eating habits and my friends.In a way she has completely broken my confidence.
I always wanted her to love and appreciate me.But I always failed.Slowly I have begun to think that maybe there is something wrong with me afterall

[DodgersMom]

Hi OP
I can't answer you questions but I do wanna say I relate. I was raised by an emotionally abusive mom and sadly I got myself into debt when I bought my first house, I had to move back home with her until I can get on my feet again.

I am 35 years old and still am seeking her constant approval. I wont do anything I know would upset her and I apologize constantly for anything that makes her cry even if I am not at all related to the issue, this has really messed me up emotionally and mentally. I am in therapy but feel its gonna take years to work through this and that depresses me.

Every single day I am called dramatic by her and told I'm lazy etc... I honestly feel like I have no idea who I really am.

Anyway, I hope you somehow can survive this, come here and chat if you need and keep doing therapy, good luck to you and hugs as well