[AMK64]

I'm a 19 year old female and when I was around the age of 9 I had a friend (a female) who was 1 or 2 years older than me. I remember bits of and pieces of us hanging out and all of it was sexual. I remember in the beginning of when she started talking to me about kissing and sex she kind of kept pressuring me into it and I finally gave in and let her touch me and she had me touch her. after awhile of this I became more willing. the farthest we went was basically fingering each other. I feel gross about the whole thing. I know we were both kids I just really remember not wanting to and being kinda freaked out by the whole thing at least at first. was this abuse or what?

[Amyjay]

Technically it isn't. With children the legal definition of abuse is usually something like the abuser is at least five years older or uses excessive force. (Depends on where you are though, different places, different laws).
But if it affected you it affected you and that's what you work with. Talking it through with someone might help you come to understand what it means for you.

[Sprite22]

Originally Posted by AMK64

I'm a 19 year old female and when I was around the age of 9 I had a friend (a female) who was 1 or 2 years older than me. I remember bits of and pieces of us hanging out and all of it was sexual. I remember in the beginning of when she started talking to me about kissing and sex she kind of kept pressuring me into it and I finally gave in and let her touch me and she had me touch her. after awhile of this I became more willing. the farthest we went was basically fingering each other. I feel gross about the whole thing. I know we were both kids I just really remember not wanting to and being kinda freaked out by the whole thing at least at first. was this abuse or what?

Unfortunately this is very common in teenagers. Do not let it upset you too much. And this is just my opinion bare in mind. It is not abuse, your good hun.

Sprite

[Shazerac]

Children experiment with sexual behavior, that's normal. Unfortunately they sometimes feel shame or guilt when thinking about it later. That's pressure from society. If you feel bad about it, it might help to talk to a therapist about it. I don't think it was abuse though.

[eskielover]

I think its important to say that SOME children, not all experiment & with the age difference being close it would be categirized as experimenting rather than abuse.

The important thing though is that if you have values that go against that kind of experimenting its important to stsnd up for yiur values no matter what kind of pressure you may feel or whethef the other person tries to shame you into experimenting. We have to hold faithful to our own values above anyone elses pressure.

Life is full of challenges we will continually face.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I think its important to say that SOME children, not all experiment & with the age difference being close it would be categirized as experimenting rather than abuse.

The important thing though is that if you have values that go against that kind of experimenting its important to stsnd up for yiur values no matter what kind of pressure you may feel or whethef the other person tries to shame you into experimenting. We have to hold faithful to our own values above anyone elses pressure.

Life is full of challenges we will continually face.

I think its important to say too that I think you have to be really compassionate with your 9 year old self, who it sounds like would have definitely stopped it if she had the skills to do that at the time. Nine year olds don't have much power really and while there may be some who could speak up and stop something like that I bet there would be more who couldn't. So you know... be kind to you about it. It went against your values and you would have stopped it if you could. It sounds like if 19 year old you could go back to then you would definitely help 9 year old you out.
Be kind to you about it.

[Cocosurviving]

Hello there—-I think therapy would help you deal with what happen. I also see this as experimenting and it frequently happens.