traumatic experience.... all over again

very bad experience...... coworker invited me out for a few drinks, surprised me into saying yes (i never go out to bars or anything). i ended up on the patio of this bar, smoking cigarretes and talking to this guy, seemed nice enough, whatever. i had alot to drink.... all of a sudden i go to go inside and the bar is closed. my coworker and her friends are gone. and here i am with this guy, 3am, no car, no phone to call a cab......... he offers me a ride home, what else could i do??? he drives me back to my apt building and i chat with him for awhile...... then he starts talking to me about his "hobbies" which are all sexual in nature..... finally i saied "i gotta go" and tried to get out of the car.... and he grabbed me and pulled my shirt up and started groping me.......i was so scared and opened the door and tried to get out, and he tried to hold me in the car........ i yelld "get the f*** off me" and got away from him and ran away.... felt like i was 13 all over again with my next door neighbor.......and again felt like my fault. fricking idiot, getting in the car with some stranger........ plus when i got inside i found my wallet was gone, id, debit card, everything......

how did i do this to myself? why was i so freaking stupid? i'm like a masochist or something.

bellaviolet,

You did not deserve to be treated this way, and it was not your fault. You are not an idiot. You are not stupid. What did happen was you were taken advantage of by an opportunistic predator. It was his fault, not yours. He abused his position of power and abused your trust -- which he falsely created by "being nice" -- and overpowered you when he showed his true self.

We live in a world with danger. It doesn't mean, when we encounter it, that we deserved it. You didn't do this to yourself, it was done to you. You didn't deserve this today, any more than you deserved it as a child. You deserved to be treated with care and respect.

I know you are in pain. I wish you well in healing. Remember, there are honorable, caring people here to help.

be well,

mtd

What a jerk that guy was - how scary. I'm glad you got away OK. You can replace your wallet but not your life. I know its a pain getting your ID & credit cards reissued - make sure you report your wallet missing so that you are not held accountable for any charges to your credit cards.

Don't be hard on yourself for what this jerk did. This was his bad and not yours. He crossed the line and took advantage of your situation. He did the bad behavior - you were just trying to get home.

I can't believe your co-worker left without saying good bye or anything - especially since you rode with them to the bar. I would not go out for a drink with that person again. A good rule of thumb that I've always followed since college is .. "Always follow the keys". Meaning always pay attention to where the person is who has the car keys of the car that is taking you home. Just in case.

Guys like that seem to be able to smell vulnerability

Ok, I really like peanut's idea of "follow the keys"...though I doubt you will find yourself in this position again.

(((hugs))) Take care of yourself.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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so sorry this happened Bella---that guy is a total jerk!!
What happened was in no way your fault, so stop blaming yourself.

Really sorry this happened to you! Lots of difference from age 13 though (you couldn't be held against your will and knew how to fight and didn't have to have any problems with being believed/who to tell, etc.). It was bad behavior by the guy, not you. In addition to Peanuts' "following the keys" I would talk to more people during the night and mingle a bit more instead of concentrating on one person. I still remember when my girlfriend and I would go out; she was a physical education teacher and had had the police come talk to her classes (self defense training) and the police had taught the classes/girls to always make friends with the bartender! Then if there is a problem the bartender will often help (get the bouncer to help, etc.).

I would "cuss out" your coworker for abandoning you also without even saying good night? Not a very good "friend" it doesn't sound like.

thank you mtd..... part of me knows it wasn't really my fault, but the way it made me think back to that experience at 13 - jumping off that boat and running inside to lock the door, only this time it was a car instead of a boat.... i felt the same exact feelings all over again and that sucked alot.

peanuts, i will never, ever lose track of the keys again, if and when i should decide to go out again (i'm not exactly itching to these days). my t said i had the right reaction and reassured me that it wasn't my fault.... still wish i hadn't lost track of those keys, though.

at first my coworker said they looked for me..... but later she kind of confessed that they were cutting up and basically got "asked to leave". so my guess is that they were ushered out without a chance to find me. still sucks though.

(((sky)))

thank you. you are right, i doubt i will ever get into a sticky mess like this again, at least if i'm half as smart as i like to think i am. and i agree - some people smell vulnerability and feed on it like vultures (only vultures are easier to like). i hate those kind of people.

thanks silentlyscreaming...... I keep trying to remind myself it wasn't my fault. wish that jerk would fall in a well or something though. and not find a way out.

thanks perna..... making friends with the bartender is a good idea. though again it's probably going to be a while before i go out to a bar again. as far as my coworker, like i said she basically got kicked out. her fault for acting up for sure, but i guess i can understand how she may have been unable to find me. still, when she asked me to go out this past weekend - i said thanks but i think i'll stay in tonight.