How victim blaming hurts so many Survivors of abuse

I wrote something on my Activism blog about victim blaming today TW: Sexual Assault, Biphobia Long-term Victim... | Blogging in Shadows and how it hurts so many women, especially Queer women. It was inspired by hateful stuff online that I've seen many times, but this time it just got to me.

I hope you can give it a read.

This is true in so many ways. But have you thought about those who really do cry wolf? I have two sister in laws who play the victim. When they physically, mentally, and sexually abuse other people.

I don't see what that has to do with victim blaming. False accusations (Crying Wolf) and blaming victims of sexual assault are completely different things.

So astute. That's a red herring. They are NOT the same thing or even related.

I don't think Buffy01 is challenging the thread. I believe Buffy01 is alluding to the type of people who call themselves victims but are actually perpetrator wolves in sheeps clothing. Perhaps Buffy was simply trying to remind us that in some cases blaming and shaming is justified, IF the victim is NOT a victim.

But in respect of this thread, we have to assume that the victim IS the victim and of course in our own situations we are victims. And, OF COURSE, in the event that the victim IS, in fact, a victim: one can safely say that victim blaming and shaming IS NOT OKAY.

I hate it, I have experienced it... I find it interesting that so many people with PTSD and trauma experience this. I have starting to believe the underlying cause is correlated with a growing lack of empathy and compassion in the world. However, on a deeper note, perhaps victim blaming and shaming is not merely a social phenomena so much as it is an intrinsic flaw in human nature. Invalidation hurts regardless. But it seems easier to doubt the person who challenges the norms, doesn't it? Until it is proven true. Unfortunately a lot of us do not have proof of trauma, we only have the internal wounds and scars and PTSD to show for it... So a lot of people are quick to judge us and disbelieve.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Thank you HD7970ghz for this post. I find it astute and to the point and also believe that victim blaming and shaming is a long standing part of human behavior... scape goating, lepers colonies and the isolation experienced by many people in supposedly modern societies because they don't fit in one way or another.

It's good if people can at least band together to feel part of a group to counteract the isolation at the very least.

So I disagree. Even with a person crying wolf they should not be victim blamed or shamed. Victim blaming does not get to whether or not a person is lying. It questions their behavior and says that they were deserving it. Again, I say the two are separate issues. Victim blaming is saying, you shouldn't have worn such a short skirt if you didn't want that guy to grope you. Someone accusing someone falsely is someone lying. In no way does victim blaming help you decipher whether or not someone is making a false accusation. That's why there are investigations and trials - to determine of a crime was indeed committed.

I don't see how victim blaming someone gets them to admit they are falsely accusing someone. In fact, all it does, really, is make women who are legitimately reporting abuse drop their claims so they won't be scrutinized and shamed and bullied.

"in some cases blaming and shaming is justified" - not really. of course, the entire justice system is based on blaming and condemning and punishing guilty perpetrators of crimes, but if you're talking about people who are claiming to be victims, i don't believe they deserve blame or shame. blaming and shaming people leads to others becoming emotional abusers and bullies.

also, saying that "fake" victims are deserving of bad treatment is going to perpetuate the idea that all victims must be questioned and interrogated and assumed to be lying until proven otherwise.

Thank you, everyone who understands that victim blaming isn't the same as lying or crying wolf.

I'm staggered at some of the responses though - about how to treat 'fake' victims, as if we are judge, jury & executioner in these matters.

This sub-forum has not felt like a safe space for survivors of abuse for a while now, so I'll just stick with the other places and give myself some peace.

Bye for now.

Hope to see you back. I like your posts, and if everyone in this forum completely agreed to them, they wouldn't be adding as much value. I think you started a good discussion.