[remmus102]

Hi, I’m a teen and this is a story from up until I was 12, when my mom received help. My mom was a stay at home mom, but she was busy caring for me and my other two siblings. My mom used to call me a “bit**” and to “f*ck off” because I was late to school when I was in kindergarten. I was a chubby kid, and my mom would say I was fat and ugly and would make me run up and down the stairs over and over again, because I was “disgusting” as I grew a little older, I stopped crying when she yelled at me. She told me I had no emotions and was going to be a serial killer when I grew up. That was her favorite insult, because it always made me cry, even when I had banished emotion from my body.
Today, I’m posting this because I think I have emotional problems. I have panic attacks where I can’t breathe, I have body dysmorphia, and I have a cutting/strangulation issue. I can’t make friends because I have severe depression and a very very hard time expressing emotions. Is this from her issues or is this in my head that these issues are because of her, or am I overreacting? Help

[nicoleflynn]

This is verbal abuse (The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans helped me immensely). If you are still in school, you should see a counselor; if not getting professional help is very important. Abusers are miserable people and take out there anger on others; they usually dislike themselves. Ihope you will get help. xo

[magicalprince]

Originally Posted by remmus102

Hi, I’m a teen and this is a story from up until I was 12, when my mom received help. My mom was a stay at home mom, but she was busy caring for me and my other two siblings. My mom used to call me a “bit**” and to “f*ck off” because I was late to school when I was in kindergarten. I was a chubby kid, and my mom would say I was fat and ugly and would make me run up and down the stairs over and over again, because I was “disgusting” as I grew a little older, I stopped crying when she yelled at me. She told me I had no emotions and was going to be a serial killer when I grew up. That was her favorite insult, because it always made me cry, even when I had banished emotion from my body.
Today, I’m posting this because I think I have emotional problems. I have panic attacks where I can’t breathe, I have body dysmorphia, and I have a cutting/strangulation issue. I can’t make friends because I have severe depression and a very very hard time expressing emotions. Is this from her issues or is this in my head that these issues are because of her, or am I overreacting? Help

Yes, the way your mother treated you was really abusive. None of that was your fault or your problem.

[Vaporeon]

I agree with the above comments; she was very abusive to you but you sound like you're aware of your own issues now because of what happened, and a good therapist can help you sort through them. Best wishes and keep posting.

[Amyjay]

Those are horrible awful things to say to a child and would have a very negative impact on your self esteem and development well into adulthood. No, the effects are not "in your head". No, you are not overreacting. Any child who was repeatedly told those things by a parent would grow up to believe they are "less than", unworthy, unloved, unliked, etc etc. But none of those things are true about any child.
You were always okay.
What your mother did and said was not.

ETA you don't have to feel this way for the rest of your life. Talking to a counsellor may help you to realize at a deep level that your mother was wrong and you ARE okay. It is a gift worth giving to yourself.

[PsychoPhil]

It's verbal and emotional abuse. When a caring parent might suggest to do more sport, your mum is insulting you.

Your mum says you will be a serial killer to make you believe that she's acting reasonably and you are insane, when in fact there is nothing wrong with you and she probably has a mental health issue herself. So she invalidates your feelings and rational conclusions, which is a form of emotional abuse.

Regardless of what's causing your issues, you are not alone and you will get better.

[Bill3]

I agree that she was verbally and emotionally abusive. In addition, I consider the forced step running to be physical abuse.

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by remmus102

Hi, I’m a teen and this is a story from up until I was 12, when my mom received help. My mom was a stay at home mom, but she was busy caring for me and my other two siblings. My mom used to call me a “bit**” and to “f*ck off” because I was late to school when I was in kindergarten. I was a chubby kid, and my mom would say I was fat and ugly and would make me run up and down the stairs over and over again, because I was “disgusting” as I grew a little older, I stopped crying when she yelled at me. She told me I had no emotions and was going to be a serial killer when I grew up. That was her favorite insult, because it always made me cry, even when I had banished emotion from my body.
Today, I’m posting this because I think I have emotional problems. I have panic attacks where I can’t breathe, I have body dysmorphia, and I have a cutting/strangulation issue. I can’t make friends because I have severe depression and a very very hard time expressing emotions. Is this from her issues or is this in my head that these issues are because of her, or am I overreacting? Help

I also was abused in all ways that a child could be abused. My parents were alcoholics, and I was abused by several family members, and my parents friends. Hang in there, don't let her win. You can get through this.

[Unrigged64072835]

Your mother was verbally and emotionally abusive.

Like others have said, therapy will help with dealing with the emotions. Also look up body positivity. I find that is good.