[gmts]

Dear all,

if you have siblings, how is your relationship with them today ? Close or rather distant ?

Sadly, my older brother (my only sibling) and me we no longer talk, somehow our relationship didn't survive the abuse we went through together ...

[childofchaos831]

My sister and I are pretty good. It's mostly distance that gets in the way, I think (hope, really).

She got out as soon as possible, but I am unable to support myself financially due to mental illness, some of which is a result of our mother being a narcissist.

So I still live with our mother. Sometimes, it seems like my sister doesn't remember how bad our mother can get, honestly...

[Unrigged64072835]

My older brother and I don't talk at all since my dad died. He only brings up stuff for the estate. He's trying to get his life back together. That's fine with me, because we weren't really close growing up.

[ReptileInYourHead]

Hey gmts.
I went for nearly 10 years without talking to my sis. We shared childhood trauma and I think we reminded each other of those rough times.
We have just reconnected and are in the process of dealing with our past.
I think it will help both of us heal.
I would always recommend reaching out to siblings, unless you have a good reason not to.

[gmts]

Thanks a lot for your replies. You'd think you would be allies when you grow up together with this. But appearantly quite often the opposite happens. Maybe so, because the other reminds you to much of what happened ...

[AVerySadThrow]

We don't talk. Or at least we haven't in a long time. One of them has no interest in talking to me, and the other is just really distant. This isn't because of abuse, but because I came out as transgender to a very religious and conservative family.

I never did, and I don't think I will ever be able to tell my siblings about how I was abused by my mother and father...my siblings were not abused by my parents...only I was, as far as I can tell, so I haven't told them. I was singled out...I still don't know why? I just know that I was abused by my parents, and they were not.

I also know that they would never believe me if I told them.

[Marylin]

My sister is a narcissist,and a controlling bully,she had abused me over 35 years,verbal,emotional,physical,and psychological abuse.I cut he rout of my life two years ago,she tried to hurt me ,damaged stuff in my house, made me mentally ill and tried to drive me to suicide and literally bring about my physical death.Last year after a year and a half not seeing or talking to her she got hold of my spare keys and was letting herself into my house,she messed with my stuff and stole things moved pictures clothes around,furniture,it made me think I was going mad again till I sussed it was her.I rang the police and reported her they filed a domestic violence report on her.Then my mother most recently in late November was diagnosed with cancer and my sister used it as an excuse to make me talk to her,she got loads of information out of me of alternative ways to cure cancer and found out where I get my CBD from for her own benefit and dumped me after that leaving me feeling used and abused again.Now I have sworn to myself she is dead to me and I won't ever speak to her or acknowledge her
existence ever again.She is a nasty,evil,selfish,user and abuser,a demon.I know she is a danger to my health and safety so won't let her near me again.

[Lolina]

I have a brother and two sisters and I am very close to them.
I am the youngest but since about a year and half my relationship with my older sister deteriorated.
She always has lots of problems that she creates herself, and she always expect me (mainly), because I am smart and caring to tell her what to do and how to do things and she reached out to us when things are bad, and she lies a lot too. She has two autistics sons, so as we felt sorry for her she just took advantage to manipulate us or spend her time complaining.
After my separation from my ex she hasn't showed me any support, she criticized me and my other sister a lot with her friends and other family members.
I see her as somebody dangerous, and jealous. She doesn't have any control over her tongue, so I don't confide her anything, anymore.
My brother lives in another country, we love each other very much. He calls me more than I call him. I saw him last May, and I could feel he was heartbroken seeing us leaving.
The other sister just before me is a bit like me but older, almost the same character. She is very loving and caring. I love her very much.
I see my siblings quite often, they all have a family with kids, wife and boyfriends.

[Perna]

My three brothers' and my mother died when we were 3-12 years old and we were "raised" by our stepmother who died in 2001. Now we're all older with grown families of our own, we're a little closer than we were but one brother estranged himself or something so there's still not much communication and we all live pretty far apart from one another. I'm the youngest and the girl so. . . not too privy to how well/ill the boys get along with each other. I see/talk to my oldest brother the most because he's closest to where I live and he and my sister-in-law come to visit occasionally.

I have three older siblings.

They bullied and abused me too.

I have no relationship with, nor desire to have any relationship with, any of them.

[grimeycat]

I relate to this. My older, autistic brother and I went through the same childhood sexual abuse. We live in the same house, but we never talk. Whenever we do, I'm usually rude to him or it's awkward. As if he was a stranger. It makes my mom mad at me, but I can't do it.

[Purple Heart]

I'm estranged from my family due to how I am treated as an adult and what happened to me in childhood. My sisters were bullies to me as a child and never accepting of me as an adult. Also I'm very different personality wise so we don't have much in common. I keep my distance to maintain my sanity and be my authentic self.

PH

[Lolina]

Originally Posted by grimeycat

I relate to this. My older, autistic brother and I went through the same childhood sexual abuse. We live in the same house, but we never talk. Whenever we do, I'm usually rude to him or it's awkward. As if he was a stranger. It makes my mom mad at me, but I can't do it.

Then why do you do it if you know it's abuse. Would you like someone do that to you?

[avlady]

my siblings totally abused me terribly. i am the 2nd eldest of 11 children. i had 2 brothers that died at age 2 and 3. my younger sister killed herself also. that leaves 8 of us still.just this year for some reason we've all seemed to get along lately.there is still hope!!!

[Nammu]

I have two much older sisters but there's such a gap it was almost like being an only child. Don't really have anything in common with them. I connect by email to the oldest but the other one is just weird, she needs therapy but will never admit it and get help.

[grimeycat]

Originally Posted by Lolina

Then why do you do it if you know it's abuse. Would you like someone do that to you?

Of course not. But it's more complicated than that. He justs reminds me of him.

[gmts]

Update: a while ago my brother called me and complained that it was my fault that we no longer talked. I confronted him with some of his behavior towards me and then I completely freaked out and yelled at top of his lungs and hung up. And then ... he wrote a 4 page letter to my wife (he doesn't know her email address) to her work place where he ranted about me on and on. Can you believe that? It is just incredible ...

[katydid777]

I come from a family of 9, that includes my deceased parents, and the youngest sister I had that died shortly after birth. I had been abused in all manors, by more than 1 family member. I have 2 older brothers, and both abused me, one older sister, that has always had a lot of her own issues that she will never get help for, and 2 younger sisters. My oldest brother lives in my Husband's, and my home, and I try to keep my distance from him as much as I can. He has been with us for about 3 years now, only because he would have been a quadriplegic if we didn't, because he didn't have anywhere else to go. To this day I don't trust him, but he hasn't done anything abusive to me so far. He also is a alcoholic just like my parents were. I don't have much contact with my 2nd brother. He will call maybe every 6 months or so. He lives in another state. My husband, and I seen him about 2 years ago. He has been in a wheelchair for about 4 years. My older sister is also a alcoholic, and through the years she has pulled a few dirty things on me, but she is the one I was closest with. She calls me often, but I hate it when she calls drunk. She also lives in a different state. My sister one, and a half years younger than me, I thought was like me until my mother started getting bad off health wise. She had my parents take me out of there will. They didn't have much, it was the principal of it, because I wouldn't have wanted anything anyway. And last but not least is my youngest sister. Her and I never really connected, or had anything in common. We get along ok, but we never talk. She does have my # but never uses it. So what do y'all think? Do I have a very dysfunctional family, or what? I don't think any of them would think twice of hurting me today if it would benefit them. But even though my older sister has done me in , in the past, and is a alcoholic, she is the only one that I have much to do with, and will have much to do with me.

[gmts]

@katydid777: thanks a lot for your insight, I guess it sounds a lot like a dysfunctional family.

Last week I talked with my T about it and I realised that there is a LOT of grief and sorrow inside me about my "lost family", about the family that I had wanted and didn't have. I loved them all so much and would jumped through any hell fire for them. But I really had to walk away from them all, otherwise it would have literally killed me.

But yet, there are like million of tears inside me that I haven't cried yet ...

I'm the oldest of three; I have a younger sister and a younger brother. I'm estranged from the brother because of the physical and emotional abuse that he inflicted on me and semi-estranged from my sister but not 100% because her children and I are close.

Our parents had an extremely dysfunctional marriage and both parents psychologically abused us; and I was sexually abused by a cousin when I was 15 years old, and my uncle tried to sexually abuse me at my sister's wedding when I was in my 20s, but I stopped him.

If my sister hadn't had children I would be 100% estranged from her as well.

Really, I should have left my family when I was 18 but hind sight is 20/20.

My sister invited me to Thanksgiving this year and I went, knowing that our brother and his family would be there. I sat in my sister's kitchen until dinner was ready to avoid socializing with them, and also took my sister's dog for a walk. My sister-in-law attempted to say 'hi' to me but I completely ignored her. I was shocked that she and brother acted as though nothing bad had happened between us, or the fact that their three sons don't even know who I am (and I was never introduced on Thanksgiving to my brother's sons, as their aunt, either!). I don't know why I went. It was emotional torture to sit at the same dinner table, with the adults pretending there was nothing wrong with our family. It disgusted me.

They don't even care about me or acknowledge me as a person. I was foolish to go to that Thanksgiving dinner. I don't know what to do about Xmas this year. I may just send $10 is a card to my sister's children and avoid going to her house again on Xmas Eve b/c our brother and his family will be there again. I'm just a ghost to them. I don't know why I bother. I really don't.

I'm the oldest of three; I have a younger sister and a younger brother. I'm estranged from the brother because of the physical and emotional abuse that he inflicted on me and semi-estranged from my sister but not 100% because her children and I are close.

Our parents had an extremely dysfunctional marriage and both parents psychologically abused us; and I was sexually abused by a cousin when I was 15 years old, and my uncle tried to sexually abuse me at my sister's wedding when I was in my 20s, but I stopped him.

If my sister hadn't had children I would be 100% estranged from her as well.

Really, I should have left my family when I was 18 but hind sight is 20/20.

My sister invited me to Thanksgiving this year and I went, knowing that our brother and his family would be there. I sat in my sister's kitchen until dinner was ready to avoid socializing with them, and also took my sister's dog for a walk. My sister-in-law attempted to say 'hi' to me but I completely ignored her. I was shocked that she and y brother acted as though nothing bad had happened between us, or the fact that their three sons don't even know who I am (and I was never introduced on Thanksgiving to my brother's sons, as their aunt, either!). I don't know why I went. It was emotional torture to sit at the same dinner table, with the adults pretending there was nothing wrong with our family. It disgusted me.

They don't even care about me or acknowledge me as a person. I was foolish to go to that Thanksgiving dinner. I don't know what to do about Xmas this year. I may just send $10 is a card to my sister's children and avoid going to her house again on Xmas Eve b/c our brother and his family will be there again. I'm just a ghost to them. I don't know why I bother. I really don't.

[ReptileInYourHead]

Sounds torturous.

Originally Posted by ReptileInYourHead

Sounds torturous.

It was/is. Hard to make friends or have relationships with people who understand family estrangement, because most people are so judgemental. It's a losing battle for me.

[gmts]

Originally Posted by cielpur

I was shocked that she and y brother acted as though nothing bad had happened between us [...] to sit at the same dinner table, with the adults pretending there was nothing wrong with our family. It disgusted me.

I know this all too well. And in a way it is almost the worst part of it. If they are acting as everything was perfectly normal. I can stand problems and bad things but this total denial, this "gaslighting" is what almost chokes me.

[shakespeare47]

I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I'm the oldest.

I had a chance to leave my family and never look back when I was in my 20's. I sometimes wish I had taken it.

My brother T. is pretty good at gaslighting, a quality that he picked up from my dad. I stopped talking to him for 5 years because he told me it was my fault I was sexually abused, and it wouldn't have happened to him, because he is tougher than I am. I talk to him infrequently, mostly over IM. He has a son about the same age as mine, and they like each other.

My brother N. is having a really tough time right now. He's in his 40's living at our parents', has a moped for transportation, is divorced with 3 kids he has a hard time getting long with. I kinda feel for him, but I'm not sure how to help him.

I really like my sister J. She's confident and funny and has a lot of friends. She was into some hard drugs, but I think she's off them, but I wouldn't be surprised if she smokes a joint every now and then. She sometimes goes on drinking binges with friends, but has a good job and is very responsible, as far as I can tell.

My sister K. is divorced and is now living with a guy. She has a Bachelor's degree but is having a hard time finding a job in her field. She did work in her area of study about 5 years ago. I'm not sure what happened. Her voice and antics remind of someone who drinks lot, and she does drink.