[Immy24]

Hi. I’m 18 and live just with my Mum. I’m not really sure if this counts or not or if I’m just overreacting because some of the stuff I’ve read is so much worse and just kinda makes my experiences feel little and insignificant or something but it’s just been making me feel really bad lately and I’ve started getting anxiety when my mums around because it always ends with her yelling at me.

So usually it’ll be over something super small like I think she’s finished her sentence and start responding when she wasn’t done, I can’t find something, I ask a stupid question, I misunderstand something she’s said etc. and she just blows up. The usual ones I get called are lazy, argumentative, selfish, spoiled, a princess, that I’ve ruined the day or that she’s sick of dealing with me.

She’s also called me a leech, told me I make her lonely and highlight her loneliness, that I spend all day on my *** (she’ll say this after I’ve just come home from school sometimes) that I don’t do anything, that I don’t appreciate anything, that I’d rather watch her fall to pieces than help her, that I’m argumentative and I’m always blaming her for anything that goes wrong and that she’s disappointed in who I’ve grown up to be. She always asks me whats wrong with me. She compares me to my friends and asks if I think they act like this.

I also had a fight the other day and wrote down some of the stuff she said to me afterward because I always doubt what I remember: “I never get to finish a ****ing sentence so of course, I’m going to get angry. Maybe if you actually listened to me we wouldn’t be having this argument in the first place”
I’m so sick of dealing with you today, I’ve dealt with you all day. I’m so sick of you talking back.”
“I’m sick of dealing with you, go away.”

It doesn’t seem to matter if I respond calmly or cry or don’t say anything she just keeps going.
I’ve also noticed after she gets really angry at me if I start crying either she’ll start crying too because then usually I feel bad and try to make it up to her or she’ll act like nothing happened and everything’s fine and start making jokes. If I stay upset for a long time she gets mad at me. She never apologized or says it could possibly have been her fault and I know I mess up a lot too and that I get into bad moods and it’s my fault sometimes but I feel like she starts it too sometimes.

She’s also done other stuff like saying I won’t be able to travel in my gap year (which has been my dream since I was about 12) because I’m too immature and irresponsible. She’s told me if I keep getting stressed and anxious she’ll send me away to live with my grandma because she can’t cope with me. In fights she almost always compares me to people she hates/is fighting with and then after says she didn’t mean it like that even though I’ve told her several times it really really upsets me when she compares me to people. She’s repeated things I’ve said in a high pitched voice.

And it all just really upsets me and I have such bad anxiety all the time and I can’t move out because neither me or my Mum can afford rent on our own and even if we could the rental lease doesn't end until October so I kinda of have to stay at home and she’s so nice sometimes and she's not a bad person or anything it’s just other times she’s just really horrible and I don't know how to deal with it or what I'm doing so wrong.

Sorry, this is super long but I wasn’t really sure what was important and stuff so I just kinda put everything and I needed to vent a little.

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this. Reading what you wrote, it doesn't surprise me you're struggling with anxiety. Here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives on the subject of how to deal with difficult family members:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...amily-members/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-tips...-the-holidays/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...itical-people/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/famil...-relationship/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/famil...relationships/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-insi...relationships/

Hope you find some of this helpful.

[shannonwalter201]

I know it's so hard to have the person you love and trust the most be so cruel and say such hurtful things. Try to keep your head up and know your a good person. This is such a difficult time in time in your life so many changes happening. I don't know why your mom says the things she has. I try to tell my person that has upset me or hurt me has to live with themselves for what they have done or said. I don't think I am being much help but hugs being sent.

[nicoleflynn]

This is verbal abuse. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans is a book that saved my life.

[Open Eyes]

Hi Immy, welcome to PC. The one thing you did get to do here in your own thread is you got to write out your challenge without being interrupted. Yay!!

From what you have shared it sounds like your mother tends to take her frustrations out on you. Also, from what you have shared it sounds like your mother tends to need HER emotions be the loudest and that is part of why she talks over you, cuts you off and flares up when you try to explain YOUR needs and challenges. Your mother is probably a stressed person and she tends to take that stress out on you, this is something too many people do, too many parents do it with their children not realizing they need to step up to the plate more in their parenting skills.

It is important to pay attention to what she does say though, because it could be that you don't really take initiative and help out in a way she can depend on. This is a good thing to learn to do because this is something that will come in handy when you eventually get a job and interact with other people in the adult world when you are striving to become more independent.

How much DO you do around the house? Do you pick up after yourself, do you do your own laundry, do you pick up the kitchen and offer to cook meals sometimes? Do you vacuum and sweep without having to be asked? These are all things you will eventually have to do for yourself eventually so you might as well get some practice in.

Unfortunately, in life one does come across other people who choose to vent their anger issues out on them. These are the type of individuals who like to have THEIR feelings be the loudest, and parents can be like this, siblings can be like this and friends can be like this, and all kinds of people can do this. Truth is a lot of people genuinely don't know how to listen and problem solve but instead can get emotional and controlling. It takes time to slowly learn how to let these kind of people's behaviors roll of your back rather than absorbing their anger and bad behaviors.