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#1
Jan 30, 2018, 03:34 PM
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When we first met I was completely blind for all the red flags. But the emotionally abusive behavior also didn't just happen on day 1..it gradually built up until I couldn't recognize my own husband anymore...and I couldn't recognize myself anymore.
I went from a woman with a wide circle of friends and outgoing and opinionated to living in isolation and having no friends and constantly walking on egg shells and living in fear. I am constantly hyper alert about my environment. Constantly clearing my browsing history and keyboard memory and extremely paranoid even though I am doing nothing wrong. I am now at the point where I am tired... I can't do this any longer and I need to get out. People will ask "why don't you just leave"... no.. just no. It isn't that simple. You don't "just leave" an emotionally and verbally abusive and manipulative husband who has an explosive and impulsive temper and who has access to a gun. You just dont.. You plan that **** in silence and hide all the evidence and one day disappear. We have a child together so that makes things more complicated but it needs to happen. Some kind of veil has lifted and each more day that I have to listen to abuse and manipulation attempts I get sick to my stomach. But I can not see myself staying. Love is not sacrificing yourself.. sometimes love is setting boundaries and saying.. nope.. You need to really face inwards and face those demons. I am not your doormat anymore. . I feel extremely relieved with this decision and it feels like after years of going back and forth and living in a numb state of mild depression I can see a future again where I can be happy and I don't have to walk on egg shells. Even though I have all the hard work still ahead of me.. leaving and everything that comes with that. I made the choice and there is no way back now. I am too paranoid that he'd find this post to reveal too many details even though I have deleted all traces of registering here. Anyone who feels called to PM me please do. I can use some support from people who have done it. |
 Anonymous87914, Skeezyks
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#2
Jan 31, 2018, 11:10 AM
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Your situation sounds so much like mine. I have finally left after 30 years of abuse. It feels so wonderful even though I'm lonely sometimes. Make your plans and gather your courage to forge a new & better life for you and your child.
I wish I had left years ago, but you're right, it's not that simple. You've invested your heart, time and life into the relationship. You thought you were building a life to share with the one you love, only to discover it was a sham and you've been betrayed by the one you rightfully expected would love and support you. I am happy that you've come out of the FOG. It will be hard, but it will get better. Find a good therapist to help you through this difficult time. Contact support agencies in your state for help in planning your escape. The YWCA often has programs for abuse victims. Also, the national abuse hotline can help you find resources to get out of a bad situation. Here's to your better & happier future! I hope you can exit safely very soon. |
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#3
Jan 31, 2018, 08:49 PM
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Hello fox: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral!
 I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.  Here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives that may be of some interest: https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways...-relationship/ https://pro.psychcentral.com/recover...-relationship/ https://pro.psychcentral.com/recover...a-trauma-bond/ May I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link: https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/ There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become.  Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!   P.S. This resource is listed in at least one of the articles I provided links to above. But I thought I would also mention here (in case you're not familiar with it) The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1 (800) 799-7233 The National Domestic Violence Hotline ? The Hotline My best wishes to you...
__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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