[jay_sc]

In a conversation with my girlfriend (both 23, I am a man) about how we learned about sex, I mentioned that my mom used to touch me (from the ages of about 8-13) to check that my "junk was developing properly." I would always protest and say no, and she would yell at me to "drop your drawers" and say "it's nothing I haven't seen before, I made you" - so I would do it, and she would feel around for a few minutes. She would also grab my butt at random times when we were at home (I would normally protest this too), and she would say the same thing: "it's mine, I made you."

I had never really thought about these memories until I got older, but I'm curious if people would define this as sexual abuse? Have other people experienced the same thing - as an adult, looking back on an interaction like this, and wondering if something was "off" about it? I have heard that sexual abuse memories can be fabricated (if this is even the kind of thing that qualifies as sexual abuse).

And if anyone has dealt with this with a parent, how did they manage their relationship with that parent?

Thank you for advice/comments in advance, and apologies if it is triggering to anyone or if this comes across as dramatic. My girlfriend seemed worried, and I admit I don't like to think about it, but it doesn't cause me distress. I guess I just don't know how to feel about it.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Jay: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm going to defer on suggesting whether or not what you experienced would, or could, be considered sexual abuse. Perhaps other members, here on PC, will want to offer their perspectives. In the meantime, however, here are links to 2 articles from PsychCentral's archives that may be of some interest:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/types-of-abuse/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/survivi...-sexual-abuse/

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

[tecomsin]

Jay,

I don't think there's any doubt that people, especially children, can be sexually abused without knowing it at the time. I had a sexual encounter where I felt violated after and had nightmares but it was only a month later that it dawned on me that this was rape and that explained my feelings.

I'm sorry you had this experience with your mother. It's good you are open and able to talk about it.

[Unhinged88]

I believe predators can manipulate and make their behavior seem as normal or acceptable as possible. Its a scary thing.

[nicoleflynn]

Yes, that was abuse.