[Albatross2008]

How to tell the difference between "just teasing" and gaslighting?

Growing up I was often the victim of this "game" that, if I protested, those playing it on me would insist they're only joking, and I'm being too sensitive. I'm posting to ask if these examples really are gaslighting, or if they could be considered just harmless teasing.

Brother #1 used to go around telling anybody who would listen that I once burned coleslaw. That's just how stupid I am, you see. Not only did I not realize you aren't supposed to cook coleslaw in the first place, but then when I so stupidly cooked it, I *burned* it. This, of course, never happened, but when I denied it, he would explain that I was so traumatized by the humiliation, I blocked out the memory. That's why I don't remember.

Brother #2 once abruptly stopped talking in the middle of a conversation and looked at me strangely. Why had I just been talking to myself? I wasn't talking to myself. I was talking to him. Oh, no, I wasn't, he insisted. He hasn't even been in the room. He walked in just this minute, and found me talking to an empty space. He got the other siblings to join in on this one, and oh gosh, they were all so worried about me. What kind of episode am I having?

At various times, by several people, I would be told I said or did some little thing I don't remember, and I must have been in a blackout or something. This continued right up until my last boyfriend (who accused me of throwing shoes at him and claimed someone at our church had caught me talking to a wall). I've been with my husband for 11 years, married for almost 10, and I haven't done things in a blackout or been caught talking to walls or empty rooms in all this time.

Of course, if I got upset about these things, they were all "only teasing" and I needed to "learn to take a joke."

So where is the line drawn?

[gmts]

Did any of those people later admitted that they were only joking?

[Albatross2008]

Some of them. Not all. But if I haven't had an "episode" in 11 years, and I'm not taking any medicine, well....

[SorryShaped]

Those people weren't being very nice nor funny

[TMOQ589QOMT]

I think it is gaslighting. They try to draw attention away from their behaviour by saying it is a joke. They are not taking responsibility for their behaviour.